Ind e-Pen XXVa
- by Pixel
The Ind e-Pen
+++vol+1+++BT+25+++
Introduction
==============
Hey! Yahoo just boosted my e-mail free space to 100 MegaBytes! You know what this means, don’t you?
That I’m going to stop deleting your e-mails as soon as I get them?
Nope.
That I’m going to get Dilbert comics delivered to me every day?
You’re getting warmer…
That I’m going to jump around in my underwear and yell “whoooop!”?
Exactly! How ever did you guess? And now, on to the e-mail:
Small Decisions…
It’s the details that trip you up. I realized this a long time ago, but it never quite sunk in until yesterday at 4 a.m. See, I was debating which font to use for my two new columns (Consumer Reports & Dummy’s Guide). Should I stick with Century Schoolbook (that works well enough, but is lame), should I go with Maiandra (which is excellent for Rambling and Mildly Illegal Activities, but has more of an edge to it), or should I try something new?
It’s always the little things. Like, if I’m expanding everything and making the fonts bigger, should the columns that are confined get more space? Or, if I should be writing this or the Pix Capacitor, should I keep reading Spiderman comics or play Commandos 2 some more?
It’s the little details that trip you up with their deceptive unimportance. I mean, who cares what the font is? No one. But it matters if it reads differently. There’s probably a similar argument for the comic/Commandos dilemma, but I won’t bother making it up. Instead, more examples of little details.
Should I be cremated or buried under the floorboards of my first girlfriend’s bedroom without her knowledge (that’s much funnier if you understood just how neurotic she was. It was like Martha Stewart on Conan O’Brien everytime we hung out, I swear… Okay, THAT’S much funnier if you understand just how analogous the situation is and have seen her on Conan… and THAT’S much funnier if you take it the wrong way… and THAT’S much funnier if you actually have seen that).
Should I spend my last ten dollars on gas to get home, or should I follow that cute girl into Raising Helen? Should I sing the Nations of the World on Karaoke or dance the Macarena?
Should I dedicate my life to writing, or just really try for the lottery thing? Should I get my dad a Father’s Day present, or just take his money and say bye? Should I shave anti-Semitic messages into my head, or just cough up the five dollars and admit I don’t have the guts?
Should I do another keg stand or drive the pregnant woman and her two sons home? Should I rig my house with explosives or take out the insurance policy first? Should I steal $45,000 from a local movie theatre, or just suck it up and admit that I never deserved a job their anyway?
Should I lie my way out of another argument or claim that I have never lied a day in my life? Should I keep taking my vegetarian multiple vitamins or should I just kill a cow and drink its blood for the nutrients?
As you can see, my life is filled with these little questions. Stupid things that I needn’t worry about, but their very triviality is what makes me harp on them. Should I end this article now, or should I come up with a less obvious looking escape hatch?
…Speaking of which, a new Pix Capacitor is out today. I wouldn’t advertise it, except that I’m really proud of this issue. Ten pages of awesomeness (well, two articles suck, but whatever…), who wouldn’t like it?
Oh, and screw the UPS store. I need to find a better way of making copies…
On a related note: WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE A WEBSITE EXCEPT FOR ME??? (hmm, sorry, my caps lock was on. So was my scroll lock, but nobody really cares, I guess.)
Ooh, a Link!
http://www.emogame.com/bushgame.html
Check it out. Playing as Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, Christopher Reeve, and Howard Stern? How could you go wrong??
I’m posting this mostly because it’s cool and fun, but also because it’s interesting and educational. Okay, actually, just to piss off my friend Butt who said “I beleive the worst thing you could do for a non-zombie would be to vote John Kerry into office. It would effect all of us negatively.”
Of course, immediately after that he said “Also, if you could get Sandy to take pics of the girls while they are in that bathroom, that would be great.”
But yeah, politics… Screw that. I’m staying out of them, I’m voting for Nader!
A Small Quiz:
Congratulations to my butt. I mean, to Butt. Gorzo. Matt. Whatever, he won last week’s quiz. For his responses, he gets a free 10-page Pix Capacitor. Good jorb.
Last Week’s Questions:
1: Is it just me or was there a The Onion feel to the zombies article?
2: What do you think of The Onion (www.theonion.com)?
3: On that note, go to http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html and tell me if this page is serious or not and what you think of it (thanks to Cassie for the link).
Their Answers:
1: I’m not sure; I never read the Onion. (nice use of semi-colon)
2: it stinks! get it!?
3: I think it would be good for Cassie is she reads more Bible and does less of everything else she does.
This Week’s Questions:
1: Should I keep using three questions, or come up with a new device?
2: Does this question work best second, or should I switch it around?
3: Is that Mustard gas that I inhaled going to hurt me or just give me super powers?
To be removed from this list, genetically enhance yourself.
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The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+25+++ Introduction ============== Hey! Yahoo just boosted my e-mail free space to 100 MegaBytes! You know what this means, don’t you? That I’m going to stop deleting your e-mails as soon as I get them? Nope. That I’m going to get Dilbert comics delivered to me every day? You’re getting warmer… That…
This Week’s Questions:
1: Should I keep using three questions, or come up with a new device?
2: Does this question work best second, or should I switch it around?
3: Is that Mustard gas that I inhaled going to hurt me or just give me super powers?
1) three is a fairly odd number that doesn’t really get as much recognition as it should. i say stay with three, it has been shut out of everything lately and the IEP is it’s last hope to support it’s family.
2)i would say that that question would have worked best as a bonus question. instead you should have asked if a bonus question would work.
3) it depends about the mustard gas. is it the kind that was used in the middle east, or that funky smell that comes out of the jar when you squeeze it?
This Week?s Questions:
1: three questions suffice
2: i’d skip question to and go from 1 to 3 to 4
3: its going to make you hot, dog.
love,
butt
Carlos,
I received your the Pix in the mail today. You have done a wonderful job again. Don’t worry, I will be sure to distribute it. Kate’s mother thought that it was the greatest thing in the world to have a friend from college that was from New Mexico. Then we ended up talking about drugs. My conversations with her vary widely to say the least. Anyway, I go home to pennsylvania tomorrow to visit my brother and the rest of the family for his birthday, so hopefully that won’t be a complete bore, but it will be nice to see my brother nonetheless.
Interestingly, I have yet to answer any of your weekly questions from the Indy pen so this week I thought that I would give it a try.
>This Week?s Questions:
>1: Should I keep using three questions, or come up with a new device
It depends, but I think a change wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Besides, you never know who needs more time to ‘view’ the latest version of the paris hilton sex tape, so the brevity of three questions may just suffice for the time being.
>2: Does this question work best second, or should I switch it
>around?
If your worried about how much you are confusing people, then I think you should leave it. But on the other hand, I think that your meager
attempt at stimulating other peoples’ intellectual capacities ( I love you carlos – you simply cannot deny that) then change the placement of the question to maybe the third or simply add another!
>3: Is that Mustard gas that I inhaled going to hurt me or just give
>me super powers?
My assumption would be that it would give superpowers, and those superpowers would naturally be independent of the superpowers that you already hold, (magically disappearing without knowing it, the power to be a woman, the power to make people horny and blame it on you, etc.)
so therefore you would be an incredibly powerful guy with powers unbeknownst to a few dozen select lifetime pix readers…yeah well maybe some other people too.
Sincerely,
Rob