Ind e-Pen XXVIII

The Ind e-Pen

+++vol+1+++BT+28+++

Introduction

================

Cock-a-doodle-do!

The butler did it!

So my friend’s 23 year old brother had a date. I know, it surprised me too. Apparently, he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been on very many dates in his life and he really wanted to impress this girl.

Somehow, he had decided that his brother and I knew more about girls than he did. So what advice did we give him? Well, what advice would you give him?

We told him to buy a limousine.

I said to him that I would be his driver in exchange for a small fee.

It sounded like fun. But we couldn’t find a limo, so the entire thing was called off.

Then he pestered us for date ideas for about a week. At some point in the ‘ignoring him’ phase, he decided to cook dinner for her instead of taking her out.

What a stupid idea. Like women ever fall for that… Okay, they do, but not when this guy cooks. I mean, he can’t cook at all. Probably. After all, he Is a boy.

And boys can’t cook. It’s true, just ask them.

This case was especially bad though. For instance, the day before his date, he had nothing prepared or planned.

So I offered to be his butler for the evening. He laughed at me, doubting my sincerity or ability to keep a straight face. I bet him I could.

The day of the date, about an hour before she was scheduled to come over, he agreed to make me his butler. I would show up all spiffed out and serve them the food that he cooked for her.

So I spiffed myself out and showed up at his house. After waiting for a half-hour in his bedroom (shut up! It was to hide me from the girl. It was! Really…), he called me out and I brought them their dinner and wine.

On a side note, he cooked her spaghetti. Which seems nice and fancy. I mean, all Italian food is, right? But she happened to be the head manager for the local Johnny Carino’s Italian Restaurant. Smart man, he is.

Anyway, as the butler, I had to spend an inordinate amount of time being quiet in another room (it reminded me of my days hanging out in the 1940’s with Anne Frank and her posse). Now, I don’t like looking schnazzy and being quiet (Anne Frank and I would play dress-up ever so often), so I started looking for ways to entertain myself.

That was when I found the giant sombrero.

The next time “Master Benjamin” called me in, I walked in in full Mexican headwear (or tourist trap headwear). His date cracked up laughing, but Ben just looked ashamed.

Then he sent me away. He shouldn’t have though. I mean, that was when I put on the court jester’s hat.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do to keep myself from smiling, but I did it (actually, that’s not true. The hardest thing was to take Anne’s hiding place when the Nazii came in).

Then they sent me away again, and I found a paintball mask. He heh. I’ll upload a picture of that soon. Speaking of which, I have an entire Pix Capacitor issue on bitmap, for those of you who have enough space and time to read one, I’ll upload that too.

Anyway, the last time they called me in, I had no hats available, but there was a well-placed lamp nearby…

I don’t know if he found his lampshade-head butler amusing. I mean, he still hasn’t paid me.

Of course, that’s probably because I asked him for $3,035. (Although only 35 of those dollars were for being a butler. The other three thou were to finance my viewspaper for a year.

(He was going to give me the money, too. All he wanted was for me to build up some hype about him. Apparently, he wants to run for office in a few years. I thought, ‘well, it’s the same thing as accepting an advertisement, right? As long as I isolate the hype to one page and write “ADVERTISEMENT” at the top, it’s not immoral, right?’

(Then I talked to him.

(And I realized that Benjamin James Davenport was the devil. Which means that I can’t support him or accept his money. You can still vote for him, I guess. It’s up to you. All I know is that he is the devil.)

Self-Contained Unreliable Breathing Apparatus

Due to my publishing some mildly illegal activities that I shouldn’t have last issue, I won’t mention that my friends and I went SCUBA diving last week.

It doesn’t sound so illegal, does it? Good. Don’t question it. I mean, the SCUBA gear was probably meant to be used underwater anyway. And it most likely wasn’t borrowed from anywhere. ESPECIALLY not a non-profit organization.

Yup. No questions.

Plus, I’m just kidding.

And I’m a liar.

Anyway, it’s not even like we went very far to SCUBA dive. We stayed in town.

We SCUBA dived in my pool.

The Call for All Fonts.

I have a pretty lame request here, but it’s rather important to me. I need to touch up some old issues of my viewspaper that were done on my old computer. The problem is that I don’t have some of the fonts that I need to retouch them, and I can’t find them anywhere. If you could look through your computer (they should be under C:/Windows/Fonts), and let me know if you have any of them, I would truly appreciate it. Thanks.

Andale Mono IPA
Amelia BT
Amerigo BT
Americana Extra Bold Condensed BT
Around 5
Arrus BT
AvantGarde Md BT
Boxes
Bullets1
ClassGarmnd BT
Compacta Blk BT
Cosmic
Fixedsys
Geometr231 BT
Goudy Old Style
High Tower Text
Lydian Csv BT
MicrogrammaDBolExt
Monotype Sorts
Monotype Sorts 2
MS Serif
Nuptial BT
Parisian BT
President
Schneidler BT
Small Fonts
Stars1
Stars2
Swiss 721 BT
Swis721 Th BT
Swis721 Blk BT
Terminal
Ti86pc
Tiffany Hv BT
Times New Roman Special G1
ZapfDingbats BT

A Small Quiz:

Okay, I have a new system that I’m going to try out to see how it works. Okay, this episode, Cassandra Aho wins a Pix Capacitor for being the first person to respond who hadn’t won an issue in the past. This doesn’t mean that people who’ve already won don’t have a chance, just that their odds get slightly worse. Any complaints?

Last Week’s Questions:

1: Can you think of another, more fun way to say “barf?”

2: What are you doing for the fourth of july?

3: What about another way to say “Ralph?”

Cassie’s quiz answers……

1. frab. spelling things backwards always makes the much more entertaining.
2. for the fourth of july, i worked. Had a picnic with my family and then i drove around with friends, trying to see all the fireworks erie has to offer. we failed miserably, mainly because i felt the need to get out of the car and dance in the glow of the sky. also, we went to pizza hut after it closed, colored in some coloring books, went on the roof, and made rootbeer floats.
3. I’m going to have to say “bob”. I like calling people with the name of ralph, bob. You’re bob, yeah, 2000 points, no steal.

This Week’s Questions:

1: Whatever happened to Anne Frank? Can I look her up?

2: Do girls like it when guys cook for them? And can guys cook?

3: Do you have any of the fonts?

To be removed from this list, send an e-mail to indepen-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com… Wow. I’m legit now.

But, you probably shouldn’t unsubscribe. In fact, I recommend clicking indepen-subscribe@yahoogroups.com immediately after that.

p.s. happy belated Birthday Matt, and Nikki too, I think, and.. um.. everyone else who’s had a birthday in the last year.

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+28+++ Introduction ================ Cock-a-doodle-do! The butler did it! So my friend’s 23 year old brother had a date. I know, it surprised me too. Apparently, he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been on very many dates in his life and he really wanted to impress this girl. Somehow, he had…