Ind e-Pen XII

The Ind e-Pen

Today my good friends, we return to normalcy (oh, how I hate that word). That’s right, today, fateful readers, I go undercover, in drag, to find out just WHAT I’m missing out on. See the topic entitled Lingerie. Oh, and sorry about the last two weeks. Spring Break really busted me out of my routine. I hope Gabe did a good jorb. I’d hate to resort to something that PETA would get mad at me for–


Look: that’s me before I heard about this– “Sex Toy” party… See how calm I look? See how I’m not dressed in drag? See how I’m not consumed all day and night, wondering just what goes on in a “Sex Toy” party? Isn’t it so sad?

Look at me now: I still have the pink nail polish on from the “party.” I can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to tell my psychologist (Sigmund Freud, you might have heard of him). And I feel obsolete. How did this happen, you ask?

Well, actually it was fairly sudden: I heard about a party, decided that nothing was going to stop me from finding out what went on in one, borrowed a brassier from a friend (along with a dress and some sandals), had another friend paint my nails (after I horribly messed up painting my toe nails), and had still another friend do my make-up and hair.
Now I was ready for anything. Now I could face two dozen girls with no problem. Oh, no! Someone’s walking down the hall, HIDE!!
Turns out it was just the overly conservative girl down the hall– I don’t think she likes me much anymore–

Oh, man– how would I ever get the nerve up to go into a room of nothing but girls if I couldn’t even let One see me? Easy: you just go so far that it’s easier to keep going than to go back. It’s how I get myself to ask out, poke, and/or talk to strangers.
So I walked in, concealed behind my female friend Adelay. I had hoped on going the entire party without being spotted as a guy. I almost lived up to that, too: I lasted about one one-thousandth of a second. After that, everyone in the room laughed at me.
If only it had just stayed in the perpetual state of me being laughed at by girls. I could have tolerated that. It happens to me all the time. (– Oh, man. I should rest before I go on. That’s so depressing–)

But no, it didn’t stay like that. It suddenly became this really blush-filled evening of what boiled down to an X-rated power-point presentation. It wasn’t a party, it was two saleswomen trying to get girls to buy things for their pleasure– if you know what I mean. Because I sure don’t. They were selling things that I didn’t think fit Human bodies! And now, to curl up in my bed and shudder the night away– guys, we’re obsolete– sooo obsolete…

A Roswellian Encounter of the Third Kind

Once, in my youth, my parents told me that they were getting separated. To console myself in the wake of this pseudo-trauma, I decided to buy the entire first season of Roswell (a t.v. show that rocks the kazbah) on credit. That was a week ago. So far I have seen 22 shows that were each 42 minutes (and gone back and seen five episode commentaries). You do the math– but let me do it too. I like math. Lets see– 924 plus 210? 1000 minutes– which divides into just over 18 hours. Yikes.

So ask me if I’ve gotten any homework or Pix Capacitor stuff done. Okay, don’t bother. The answer is no. I am wasting sooo much time. Oh, well. At least I’m almost finished. Now all I need to do is finish watching the complete series of the Critic. Oh, how I wish I were kidding. Now I’m obsolete AND I have no life… I’m turning into Chuck Norris. Yikes.

One last thing:
So nobody wrote in for last week’s question. First time ever, wow. Nobody gets a free Pix Capacitor. Oh, well. Did Gabe even send out an e-mail?

Last Week’s Question: In what ways is Gabe the coolest (and/or cutest) advice-giving beaver?
Last Week’s Answer: Ha ha! I get it! You guys were trying to tell me something! Ha!

This Week’s Question: Did Gabe even send out an e-mail?


  1. Yep, on March 15th at 10:30 in the evening, approximately 4 and a half hours after the sunset. Very soon after the chariots in the sky started burning brightly against a velvet blanket.

    –Mikey DePalma

  2. Carolus!

    Please don’t tell me you actually did what you said in the “lingerie” section.
    Dear God! You get more and more bizarre each time you little boy! And then to actually admit to doing it???? Remember that talk we had last week? Or the week before???or whenever it was you came by, well I think I’m oging to have to say that definitely NO I would not go out with ANY of my friends…I don’t know I mean…come on PINK nailpolish? You could’ve gone for purple! And sandals? That is so not in right now…:) (As if I would know what’s in.)

    Anyway, how are you doing with the whole other thing, about your parents? You all right? Not that I actually want you to tell me your emotions (God knows you claim guys don’t have any anyway) but I mean you’re not going to do anything incredibly stupid….err…I mean incredibly DANGEROUS, are you? I hope not.
    Well I’ve got to go do some homework now. Yep, spring break and I”m oding homework, looks like you’re not the only one with no life…but hey, at least I have depression too! So there! (disclaimer: I have not had depression for quite a while now, but it sounds neat to say I do:P )

    TAke care of yourself Carolus, and stop going to those dirty parties!

    PS. Guys aren’t COMPLETELY obsolete. I mean, women still need someone to LOOK at, and someone to carry their stuff, and someone to IGNORE them, and someone to be SEEN with. I”m just being cynical…:) Seriously though, whatever happened to the need for companionship and Carolus as you would say, friendship? When did it all become…ugghh…I can’t even imagine what that lady was selling…

  3. he somewhat sent out an email, but he did it with a rude crude attitude. he was jealous because his boss was leaving to south padre island with out him. he wanted to see other beavers, haha.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *