Pixel Q. Styx: ‘Tis a good title, you think?
Albus Dumbledore: I love it. In fact, it’s good enough to be a movie title!
Pixel: Oh, like the hit book of the same name, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince?
Dumbledore: I have no clue what you’re talking about. Who’s the half-blood prince?
Pixel: I don’t know. Are you the half-blood prince?
Dumbledore: No, but I heard that your mom was the half-blood prince.
Pixel: You know, I would never have thought of you as hip.
Dumbledore: The word ‘hip’ is so unhip. All the cool peeps are calling it ‘chill’ now.
Pixel: Okay, then it’s ‘chill.’
Dumbledore: Are you still with that? ‘Chill…’ That’s so five minutes ago.
Pixel: But it was cool five seconds ago!
Dumbledore: Yeah, was cool. Stress on the past tense.
Pixel: Okay, what’s cool now?
Dumbledore: Me, Will Ferrell, and foam Jacuzzis.
Pixel: What a terrible visual… are you just making it up as you go along?
Dumbledore: No.
Pixel: Are you lying?
Dumbledore: I’m afraid that question is impossible.
Pixel: What do you mean?
Dumbledore: It’s a statement that has no answer that doesn’t contradict itself. For instance, Think For Yourself!!
Pixel: Sure. Whatever you say.
Dumbledore: No, no, I mean, Think for Yourself!!
Pixel: No, I don’t want to!
Dumbledore: Well then. In any case, thanks for changing the title of this column. J.K. Rowling would’ve sued you if you kept it as the “Philosopher’s Stone.”
Pixel: But we got the name from this mystical stone that could change lead into gold.
Dumbledore: I suppose it’s accurate. Your head is looking evermore golden.
Pixel: But I don’t even have the stone yet…
Dumbledore: And your head isn’t precious yet.
Pixel: I don’t get it.
Dumbledore: Okay. How about “your mother is so fat, it’s anatomically impossible for her to not sit on her ass.”
Pixel: The dozens? I didn’t know you knew snaps.
Dumbledore: Are you kidding? In Wizard’s school I was voted most likely to get Rodney Kinged by the po-po fo’ bitch-slapping their momma.
Pixel: In what school?
Dumbledore: Oh, pudding. Well, it was nice knowing you, any memories you’d like to keep?
Pixel: What do you mean? Who are you?
Dumbledore: But I didn’t do— oh, what the heck. Toodles.
Pixel: Nice to meet you, Toodles…
