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A Pixelated Mind

Just after B-Lunch
Tagged

Pixel Styx and the Curse of the Perfect Memory

Damn it, the bastards at keithandthegirl.com (no hyperlink to you, jerks), ruined the last Harry Potter book for me. They said who dies and who kills who.

Now I’m trying to unlearn the information with as much disinformation as I can convince myself exists. The problem is that I’m a grade A– geenius and so convincing myself of lies is quite difficult. Now I have to make up ridiculous situations and repeat them over and over again so that I’ll eventually not remember whether I heard it from them or just made it up out of thin air. Watch:

  • Voldemort kills Harry.
  • Harry kills Voldemort.
  • Harry joins Voldemort.
  • Luna Lovegood gives Harry some good love.
  • Harry rapes Hermione.
  • Ron and Neville get it on.
  • Ron secretly pines for Harry’s affection.
  • Dumbledore possesses Draco.
  • Hagrid casts a shrinking spell on himself.
  • Draco, possessed by Dumbledore, kills himself by autoerotic asphyxiation.
  • Voldemort dies and revives a Horcrux that was hidden inside the base of the Order of the Phoenix, killing all but two members.
  • Snape goes back to teach Defense Against Dark Arts as nobody believes Harry that he killed whatshisface.
  • Harry Potter and the Really Bad Case of Dandruff.
  • Sex in the City Sarah Jessica Parker guest stars.
  • Lucius Malfoy helps Harry escape the Deathly Hallows.
  • Snape was a quintuple agent after all!
  • Lots of people die, but everyone we know and love does not.
  • Everyone we know and love dies terrible death.
  • Everyone we love lives, but everyone we know dies.
  • People we know live, but if we love them they die.

… AHHH!!! It’s not working. I know too much. Trust me people: don’t listen to the keithandthegirl podcast. You’ll regret it. They get off on ruining books for people. In one episode, they reveal that Jesus never existed!

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Damn it, the bastards at keithandthegirl.com (no hyperlink to you, jerks), ruined the last Harry Potter book for me. They said who dies and who kills who. Now I’m trying to unlearn the information with as much disinformation as I can convince myself exists. The problem is that I’m a grade A– geenius and so…

2 Comments

  1. Thanks for the warning. I was so looking forward to the introduction of the Rastafarian Voodoo School of Magic from the Islands Mon, But I guess that got cut from the final manuscript. They totally sucked at Quiddich anyway. Hard to see the Snitch through bloodshot eyes, and they fly reeely slow!

  2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
    no im not reading this. im not. k im not! aHHHHHHHHHHHHH tooooooo tempting ahhhhhhhhhhhh HEDWIG cant die. noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!