Guide to the extended family
- by Pixel
The Grandfather
This is an older gentleman. He may try too hard to get you to like him or not try at all, you parents might regard him with dread or annoyance, but everyone agrees he’s an important figure for some reason. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him.
The Grandmother
Like the grandfather, only she works twice as hard in the kitchen or house to try to accommodate everyone. Sometimes she succeeds, but at great expense. She may also be crazy and your relatives might treat her sweetly or saccharinely. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with her.
The funny uncle
Everyone refers to him as the funny uncle and continuously asks you whether you think he’s funny. You realize he’s amusing, but far too often his humor is at your expense. Somehow that doesn’t seem so amusing. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him.
The cousin that’s too cool for you
Really? You live in this awful place? And you’re… proud? You realize everyone seems to regard him/her as going through a phase. Frankly you want him/her to go through that phase elsewhere. The only reason you’re even trying is because everyone else is too old/young/married/single/annoying/scary. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him/her.
The invalid
This might be a baby, a disabled person (permanently or otherwise) or just an older fellow. People both shy away and grotesquely over-coddle them. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him.
The downer
Inevitably, all extended families have one member that’s overly concerned with what people say or do. This might be an older brother, a divorced aunt or just a no-goodnick. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him.
The little child
Cute, fun, but oh, so dumb You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him/her.
The drunk
Drinks a lot. It’s embarrassing and awkward for everyone nearby. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation with him.
Today, I am thankful… obviously… for those little chips with lead flavor in home country.
p.s. Phew! I made it! Go us!
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The Grandfather This is an older gentleman. He may try too hard to get you to like him or not try at all, you parents might regard him with dread or annoyance, but everyone agrees he’s an important figure for some reason. You go out of your way not to be stuck in a conversation…
So, is there anyone in your family you do like to converse with?
Not judging here. Just curious. 😉
The family dog is pretty cool.
No, just kidding, there’s quite a few cool cousins (two are waving farts at me right now). I just thought I’d mention the more archetypical ones.
I used to teach kindergarten. Most of my children were infinitely smarter than the so-called grownups of the world. But yeah, reunions with extended families are always such great freaking fun. I’m the one egging the drunk on out of sheer boredom.