Texts I’ve sent in the last seven days
- by Pixel
I got this idea from Abigail. Keep in mind that my phone doesn’t actually store anything in my outbox, so I had to reimagine these texts based on my inbox:
- Would you vote for Barack Obama if you found out he was black?
- What if you found out Hillary Clinton was a woman?
- Which is worse: cupcakes with vanilla icing, multiple orgasms, or cannibals eating you alive without seasoning?
- I’m sorry mom, I meant to send those last few ‘push’ texts to the NAACP and MADD.
- The spare keys are under the doormat.
- My social security number is 463-83-7996, and my pin number is 1470, use them wisely, my son.
- I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean by ‘did you tell him the baby was not his and that I was still cheating on him?’ Can you clarify?
- Oh, I wasn’t aware it was a secret. What’s the point of telling me gossip if I can’t trade it for licorice sticks?
- … Oh, well you really should have specified that it was confidential. I’m afraid it’s nobody’s fault but your own.
- Eh, you’ll get over it. No sense in apologizing.
- 🙂
- … well that was rude. You realize you’re going to have to apologize for that, right?
- Hey, how are you?
- Well, how about if I said that I hated you and wished you were raped by a large appalacian man with no sense of pain or care for your suffering?? How would you like that?
- Sorry mom, I meant to send that last text to grandma.
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I got this idea from Abigail. Keep in mind that my phone doesn’t actually store anything in my outbox, so I had to reimagine these texts based on my inbox: Would you vote for Barack Obama if you found out he was black? What if you found out Hillary Clinton was a woman? Which is…
your blog makes me giggle.
You should probably be nicer to your grandma. God is watching.
Glad you’re back!
Someone’s getting a lump of coal in his stocking this Christmas. 😆