Getting Rid of Unwanted Suitors

• Begin complaining about your menstrual cycle and other assorted feminine problems.
• Make plans with him and stand him up four times in a row. Then, when you show up and he doesn’t: throw a tantrum and cry.
• Steal his cell phone and give him treasure map that leads to the ocean…. then go on vacation.
• Buy a tank full of sharks (Hmm… I wonder if I could price that…)
• Audibly snore as he tries to make conversation.
• Subscribe him to various forms of SPAM.
• Restraining orders are simple, yet effective.
• Pretend to fall in love with his brother/best friend and ask for inside information.
• Talk like a pirate.
• Borrow money… regularly. Then flash hundred dollar bills while asking for more.
• Slip him a rufie. Then leave him in the desert to die.
• Set his house ablaze. He’ll have other things to worry about then.

A friend of mine has a male acquaintance she’s desperately trying to get to leave her alone. After she heard my advice she said,

“Geez, I don’t want to hurt this guy!”

To which I replied, “oh, I see. I think I figured out your problem.”