Unnecessary Qualifiers

17. When I was in high school, I would relentlessly tease a kid I couldn’t stand by giving him nicknames. I also teased people I really, really liked by giving them nicknames. The fact that I treated people I hated and people I liked in the same way always seemed schizophrenic, but it amused me just the same. I don’t do that anymore, because most of the people that still talk to me are people I feel neutral toward. I wonder if there’s any connection…..

Here’s a fun game: in a regular conversation, throw out qualifiers which raise more questions than they answer. Example:

• My day was fine. Unlike some people, I didn’t accidentally have my fly down all day.
• I haven’t ever been caught cheating on my girlfriend.
• I don’t have herpes anymore.  No, I don’t have herpes outbreaks.  ((How is it that Seth is smarter than I am?  Or is it just in matters of STIs?   😉 ))
• I was really good last week: I didn’t pick up any hookers.
• I didn’t stab any hobos… last night.

Get it? These are all true statements, but the unnecessary qualifiers completely change their meaning. You try!

17. When I was in high school, I would relentlessly tease a kid I couldn’t stand by giving him nicknames. I also teased people I really, really liked by giving them nicknames. The fact that I treated people I hated and people I liked in the same way always seemed schizophrenic, but it amused me…