Yeah, well that's generally what these feel like.

Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XXVI of XXVI)

I’ve decided that this will be a grab bag of confessions to people who, for some reason, where not in my phone book.  I am including people that I know through the Internet, though Ashley and Moof are not on this list as they have been posted in other segments.  I’m setting a rule that I must have known these people for six months or longer and that I must expect some future contact from them.  Otherwise, this list would just get too extensive.  Also, I’m not including many people I know in professional capacities, like professors, because that would also bring in a huge load of poorly thought-out confessions.


  • Your sense of humor is just mean.
  • I miss you.   When you got sick, I lost the person I grew up with and you’ve never recovered.  I know you feel worse about it than any of us, but you were a great grandfather when I was a kid.
  • You were my once best-case scenario and it sucks that I haven’t seen you in a while.  Maybe next year?
  • Stop calling me.  I didn’t like you when you weren’t a triple-divorce and single mother of four, why would I like you now?1
  • I didn’t really like you when I first met you…. and I never second met you.
  • The government doesn’t care about you and nobody is out to get you.  There are no conspiracies of the sort you concern yourself with and you should stop telling people there are.
  • You’re funny and cool.
  • Your son is either immature or a complete scoundrel.  Your choice.
  • That your philosophical positions led you to be able to believe in anything that made you feel better is silly.  No offense intended to anyone else, but Jesus is your own personal reductio ad absurdum.
  • I’m sorry that your very existence makes me sad.  You seem like cool enough siblings, but I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends.
  • You accidentally made me lie to a person I truly care about.  Which hurt.
  • I’m glad you had a boyfriend you loved and not hurt at all that you couldn’t come to visit when you were nearby.  I was there once, I know how it is.2
  • I really wish I could go back to visit so that you could tease me and we could hang out.  Unfortunately, I may never return to Mexico for top secret reasons.
  • ‘Damaged Goods’ implies that there were goods to be damaged.
  • You’re not as cute as you think you are.  I can’t stand your attitude, which means I can’t stand you.  >:[
  • If you’re faking your personality: STOP IT.  It’s annoying.  If not… then you have much bigger problems than your uni and relationships.

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix, pt. x, pt. xi, pt. xii, pt. xiii, pt. xiv, pt. xv, pt. xvi, pt. xvii, pt. xviii, pt. xix, pt. xx, pt. xxi, pt. xxii, pt. xxiii, pt. xxiv, pt. xxv, pt. xxvi

  1. If that sounded mean, just consider that she told me she was looking for a ‘nice guy’ who ‘likes children’ but ‘doesn’t want to have any.’  I only fit one of those. []
  2. ……  only presumably when I was there it was a girlfriend. []

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