Worst Science Movie Plot

Science is usually done terribly in movies. I know a little bit of science, I think. Enough to make a couple of good scripts. But that’s boring. What I want to see is the opposite. This is a synopsis of the movie with the worst science ever:

Impulsive and snappy high schooler Mikey McMoth is at the lab of local wacky scientist Prof. Jones. Jones disappears during a groundbreaking experiment involving gravitons. (Hypothetical particles that go faster than the speed of light and cause gravity to smack people.) Mikey then gets a letter from a future version of himself telling him that he needs to take Prof. Jones’ top-secret universal translator in order to stop an interstellar war. In the process this will save all the multiverse and allow Prof. Jones to return to the regular ‘verse.

At first, Mikey can’t get access to the aliens, but his friend– who works at Blockbuster– knows how to hack into the pentagon and hijack their signal. Mikey then attempts to serve as a negotiator using Prof. Jones’ device. An interstellar war is triggered anyway by Mikey’s inexperience with the device. Aliens send microscopic cybernetic viruses to Earth. These viruses have the capability to devolve the population using genomic quantum fluctuations. Mikey manages to get the universal translator to talk to the cybernetic viruses and– in an impassioned speech– convinces them to cease their attack and turn against their alien overlords.

Unfortunately, in act three, everyone turns invisible and shrinks really tiny for some reason. Mikey is convinced that this is all supernatural and uses this universal translator to try to communicate with the spirit world somehow. Just then, Prof. Jones arrives through an interstellar wormhole that had allowed him to slip all the way until the end of the movie. Using some quick chemistry, he devises a substance that will allow everybody to return to normal. He does so and everyone is saved.

Mikey jumps for joy and loses the letter he originally received from the future. It turns out that the letter slips back through the wormhole to start the plot of the movie over again.

Also, Mikey has a talking dog.

Science is usually done terribly in movies. I know a little bit of science, I think. Enough to make a couple of good scripts. But that’s boring. What I want to see is the opposite. This is a synopsis of the movie with the worst science ever: Impulsive and snappy high schooler Mikey McMoth is…