Ind e-Pen XXII

The Ind e-Pen
+++vol+1+++BT+22+++

Introduction
==============

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me.
I’m another year older,
And on that, I’m not keen!

And 19 times 19 Mooooore!!
(or 361.)

Circling the drain…

Oh, no.

I thought I was done with this. I thought that I was finished with writing columns about my best bathroom experiences.

But look at this:

“The Kohler Arts Center in Sheboygan, Wisconsin was named the nation’s finest restroom as voted on by the Internet public in the America’s Best Restroom III contest, presented by Cincinnati-based Cintas Corporation”

According to www.bestrestrooms.com, there is an annual contest where hundreds of restrooms are ranked according to a bunch of stupid criteria (originality? unique style or theme? Who wants a theme in their crapper? No, my john just needs to be huge and as clean as an obsessive-compulsive’s operating table).

So now, in order to determine whether I have or have not truly been in the best restroom to raise one’s children in, I must travel to Wisconsin and compare this restroom to my current #1: the porcelain phone at the Treasure Island Hotel of Las Vegas, Nevada.

But it’s been about two and a half years since I saw that restroom last. I might have exaggerated it in my head. I mean, what if this restroom DOESN’T actually have a crystal sculpture of me looking over your shoulder at the urinals?

Okay, so before I go to Wisconsin, I have to go take a trip back to Las Vegas (Sheboygan? What kind of a name for a town that has an awesome nose powdering room is Sheboygan? Why can’t they have nice New Mexican names like Albuquerque, Chaparral, or Carizozo?).

So, anyway… I’m going to Vegas in three days.

No, it’s not because I’m some sort of spunky guy that likes to take random trips on whims just to go see a restroom (although I am. I mean, I did go to both the Waldorf Motel and Hotel on a whim… actually, that’s a blatant lie, I only heard about them just before I went, and they were both on the way. Oh, well. Back out of the parentheses now), the reason I’m going to Vegas is actually because a friend of mine is going to be there and it sounds like fun.

Really, the only coincidence is in the way I structured the article. But I guess that’s just the kind of guy I am.

Anyway, I’m going to Vegas for the sole purpose of using a restroom (actually, that’s a blatant lie. It’s not just me going, I conned a few friends into going with me, and I’m only going back to the restroom because of the contest I barely heard about,,, besides, it’s on the way. Oh, well. Back out of the parentheses now).

I’ll catch yous guys on the flip side. Wish me luck, ‘kay?

Birthday Tallies

Offers to do things that I have rejected: 4

An all-day movie thingy
A pool party/quincenhera*
Foodin’ with one or both of my parents
A fiddling-contest to the death (actually, there was something else here, but it was rescheduled anyway, so meh… Fiddling contest it is)

People that have wished me a happy birthday (it’s not even my birthday yet!): 3

One of them just couldn’t wait,
One of them was leaving for D.C.
And the
other didn’t want to be late.

Presents that I have received: 2 (a five pound hunk of Hershey’s chocolate and a wallet)

While I like chocolate, I don’t like it that much, and, well… I’m against chocolate on the principle that slaves pick the cocoa beans.

Oh, and I already have a wallet. Although, it’s probably for the best. This one had a $50 bill in it. Plus, it had a picture holder (that I so desperately need), and wasn’t made out of leather (I’m a bad vegetarian… now if only someone gave me a Pleather jacket, and some non-suede cool-looking shoes).

Pix Capacitors and Ind e-Pens that I have written: 1

Hi.

*Quince_era required the only other extra letter in the Spanish language that I just couldn’t talk my keyboard into typing. So instead I spelled it the Portuguese way (it still makes the same sound, it’s just not right in either language).

The Forum:

Remember, you can submit your own stories here.

A Small Quiz:

Congratulations to Jack Nagel, the winner of last week’s quiz. Where would you all be during the summer, if I weren’t here to provide the tests that you’re so obviously lacking? For his answers, Jack wins the Pix Capacitor that just came out yesterday. That is, of course, if I ever get my copies back…

Congratulations, Ja k.

Hm.. There was a pun in that, but I guess I just don’t “c” it anymore.

Last Week’s Questions:

1: What, exactly, DOES constitute selling out?
2: Give me money. I’m ever so hungry..
3: If you had a water gun, would you go power mad?

Jack’s Answers:

1: depending on another company to advertise for you. so, if coca cola advertised the P.C. then it would be selling out. if coca cola buy a section or donates, then it is not selling out.

2: that happens in this little nation of New Mexico

3: would i? i plan for it everyday, for some reason no one ever gives me a water gun

This Week’s Questions:

1: What’s the fanciest place YOU’VE ever peed in?

2: What’s the LEAST fanciest place you’ve peed in?

3: When’s your birthday?

To be removed from this list, send me a dollar. C’mon… it’s my birthday!

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+22+++ Introduction ============== Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. I’m another year older, And on that, I’m not keen! And 19 times 19 Mooooore!! (or 361.) Circling the drain… Oh, no. I thought I was done with this. I thought that I was finished with writing columns about my best…