Author: Gabe the Beaver

Academic Advice Column

Dear Gabe, Many months ago, my adviser recommended I add a particular faculty member to my committee: call him Dr. X. I had misgivings about adding Dr. X because I’ve never known him to have any students and I’d heard other graduate students disparage him for various reasons. Nevertheless, I added him to my committee.…

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Tao of Gabe: Probably some stupid title again

Hello and welcome new denizens to another classic column by your very own Gabriel O’Beaver Leibowitz. As you are well aware, next week shall be New Mexico College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts’ March week off from school (Go NM A & M Aggies!). This year, our progressive school has decided to allow us to…

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Tao of Gabe: Obituary

Gabe the Notorious Beaver, 18, passed away Sunday from congenital heart failure and dehydration caused by chronic, explosive diarrhea. He was 21. Beaver, widely recognized for his record-worthy control of his flatulence and butt-gustingly hilarious columns in local and international newspapers, led a life of severe drinking followed by regular kickboxing matches with unsuspecting kittens…

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Tao of Gabe: On Canadian Memories

Gabe the Magnanimous Beaver here to reminisce about my youth, so shut up, stupid! See, I was raised in French Canadia— don’t let this fool you, it’s just a reference to the type of kissing we do— and in Canada, we tell it like it is. Speaking of which, the invisible pink unicorn is behind…

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Tao of Gabe: On Mass Guys

Tao of Gabe Gabe the Light-hearted Beaver here continuing his analysis of what happens when the human genders, XY and Roman numeral twenty, are forced into confined spaces for large periods of time. As you’ll recall, last week I gave an analysis of women. My analysis, from my extensive research into the archives of stuff…

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Tao of Gabe: On Mass Girls

Jayna, To prepare for this article, I lived with twenty-six girls for a period of six months. I just don’t mention them in the article because I barely made it up right now. Love, Gabe. ~o_O~ Gabe the Ketotic Beaver here reminding you that people with better vocabularies than you laugh more often. This is…

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