Ind e-Pen XIV

The Ind e-Pen

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Introduction:

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Finally, some time alone. My roommate’s friends came here from Millersville yesterday and, well… in the immortal words of the newly met J.P., “I wanna get some pussy, dammit!” Yeah. Five guys in one room. That doesn’t cause any problems… Whatever. Now, I’ve gotta finish this before they get back. Hey, I have to blast them to someone, right?

April’s Fools

Apparently I live in a hall that’s dominated by prank-loving jerks. I had heard about their prank war last semester and dismissed it as pure hogwash (actually, no. I took caution. But doesn’t “hogwash” sound so cool and educated? It’s funny, considering the subject…).

But hearing about shaving cream in the shower and stolen clothes is different from actually experiencing it. Our April Fool’s pranks actually started on March 29th. My neighbor (the bowler), the self-professed king of pranks, stole his roommate’s guitar and ransomed it. Actually, I don’t know if he did that for April Fool’s or just because his roommate (the streaker) was pissing everyone off with it. His roommate, not knowing who did it, got back at his neighbor (the trumpet player) across the hall by taking his keyboard. Naturally, everyone in the hall started mocking him over AIM, saying “you can’t write back, ha ha ha!” and so forth. So HE warned them all. Then, MY roommate (the anti-bush guy), the guy with the friends from Millersville, went into this guy’s room and tied all of his clothes together and hung them around the room. Apparently, after this happened, ANOTHER kid from down the hall (the Roach) came by and put hand lotion on the crotch of all of (the trumpet player)’s pants and shorts… That ended up March. The next day was April First. And now we were ready for the major pranks.

April first everyone woke up cautious. My neighbor (the streaker) went so far as to leave the state. It was probably for something unrelated to April Fool’s, but still… When my roommate and I came back from classes, there was oil in our doorknob. So we cleaned that up (it’s better than the blood-soaked tampon that got the guys across from us), and we went inside. My roommate had to leave right then, but he made sure to tell to not let anyone inside. I agreed.

So when my neighbors (the trumpet player and the bowler) came by and asked me to let them in so that they could toilet paper my roommate’s side of the room, I told them to go shove it. Unfortunately, the trumpet player pulled me out, and before I could get free, the bowler locked himself in my room. I was outside, with one shoe, no keys, and the self-professed king of pranks was alone in my room. This couldn’t be a good combination, could it?

It took me about two minutes to realize one crucial detail of his half-assed plan: the bowler had left his door wide open… Now what kind of an IDIOT would leave his DOOR WIDE OPEN while he was playing a prank on his neighbor who he just happened to be LOCKING OUT OF HIS OWN ROOM?? Well, I’m just glad I found him.

I found a roll of toilet paper in his room, and started T.P.ing it. Then, when I finished, I realized that he was still in my room, so I unplugged everything in his room (including the surge protector and his computer). After I finished THAT, I realized that he was Still in my room, so I grabbed all of his clothes and dumped them on his floor, throwing some newspapers on top of that. And he was STILL in my room. I unscrewed the lights, to make them not turn on when anyone flicked the switch. That was about the time that a heard a Crack and an “Oh, shiii!” Which spooked me out quite a bit. So I stole one of his shoes, his deodorant, his telephone, his remote controls, all of his CDs, and his university identification card. AND HE WAS STILL IN MY ROOM! Yikes. Well, no sense racking my head trying to come up with more things to do to his room. I decided to run to the office and get the spare key to my room. After some arguing with the lady that I, in fact, was who I said I was (I wouldn’t have believed me, I couldn’t even remember my own ID number or last name).

I ran back to my room and kicked the bowler, and also the trumpet player, out of my room, locking myself in instead. Yeah, my room was bad. It was coated white with T.P. and there was some of my powdered protein on the ground. It took me ten minutes to clean it up, but when I finished, my neighbor still was looking for all of his stuff. So, quite naturally, I packed up my stuff, and went to go work out. That night I pissed off the trumpet player while playing Game Cube. Specifically, by not dying for an hour (just long enough to make everyone give up and go do something else). There were no more pranks that night, and the bowler didn’t get his ID back until midnight. April Fool’s is so great when you win, isn’t it?

Worst Joke Ever:

So I sat thinking about the problem with Freedom Fries. And there is a problem, regardless of what people say. Besides it being a stupid idea, it’s odd and difficult to impliment. No, what they SHOULD do is create a totally new type of fry. One that would be better than French Fries (because why would you trade in an easily pronounceable, well-established word for something that isn’t?). But what would this new fry be like, I wondered. When it occured to me: we would just make them look like miniature twin towers. Then again, they already have that, don’t they? You know, Mashed Potatoes?

One last thing:

And another week where I give everyone a free Pix Capacitor. Congratulations to Maggie Casmus, Jcak Nagel, Matt Gorzalski, my roommate, Mikey DePalma, and Monica Sifuentes, whose answer was my favorite:

Last Week’s Question: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Mo’ Sifuentes: it takes 457 licks, i did 3 separate tests

This Week’s Question: What’s the worst prank that you’ve ever done or had done to you? (worst prank wins)

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+14+++ Introduction: =============== Finally, some time alone. My roommate’s friends came here from Millersville yesterday and, well… in the immortal words of the newly met J.P., “I wanna get some pussy, dammit!” Yeah. Five guys in one room. That doesn’t cause any problems… Whatever. Now, I’ve gotta finish this before they get…