Ind e-Pen XX

The Ind e-Pen
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Introduction:
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Yikes! Isn’t this supposed to be summer break? Shouldn’t I be less busy now than I was during school? Jeez. I can’t take the pressure anymore, let me go back to Final’s Week!

A Gap, a party, and a graduation, and a graduation, and a party, and a party, and a party…

Wednesday night, my friends and I went to a party at an acquaintance’s house. During this party, I met a girl and, as is my usual fashion, I convinced her to walk for several hours in the unforgiving sun the next day.

Ever since senior year of high school, a few of my friends and I walk an insane distance through the hottest mountain in New Mexico. At some point in the process, like Mardi Gras, we lost the meaning and significance of it all. Now we just walk because we don’t want to break the tradition ‘this’ year. Anyway, each year we get less and less people go with us (we should probably stop calling it the “Annual Walk of Death”).

This year, one of the three people that had walked the previous years couldn’t make it. She had a final scheduled at that time. Plus… she was hit by a bus. Well, maybe. I just talked to her an hour ago, but a lot can happen in an hour. Haven’t you ever seen the hit TV show “24” with Kiefer Sutherland?

Why is it still called “24,” anyway? Shouldn’t it be “72” by now? And hasn’t the character had enough by now? Seriously, yikes…

Anyway, an hour is a long time. It even seems longer when you’re walking across a mountain in a desert conveniently located directly under the friggin’ sun. Eventually, though, four of us (my friend Daniel, myself, this girl, and a Jehovah’s Witness that we accidentally started talking religion to) did make it all the way across.

To celebrate, we decided to have a party. Unfortunately, everyone was busy. So we postponed the party to Saturday and relocated it to my house…

Wait. My house?

Crap. They wanted a pool party, didn’t they? Ha! Well, the joke was on them. My pool was the sickest looking thing in existence. There was no way they were going to clean and fill it in time.

Wait.

They expected me to do it, didn’t they?

Crap.

The only person that I could get to help was my token white friend Jack. For some reason everyone else was coincidentally busy at the time. Grr…

See, that’s the reason I’m not afraid of the Draft. By the time they get me, a dozen poor white kids will already be drafted before their time.

Also, I’ll probably work my way out of active combat. Us born again Mexicans are crafty like that: we work our asses off to stay lazy.

Back to the story; Jack and I worked our asses off for two days. We also managed to talk this same girl into helping us for a bit (yup. She was white). By the time we were finished, the pool was impeccable (except for the peccable parts). But by that time we didn’t care anymore.

We finished cleaning the pool at about 5:15. By 5:21, we had three separate people call and offer to help us clean. I really wish I were kidding.

That night, the Gadsden High School class of 2004 graduated. Later, there was a party. In case you’re wondering, that’s two parties in three days. There was no way there’d be more, right?

Well, except for the pool party that we were going to have the next day. You know… it’s funny. There were seven of us there, but only token white boy Jack and I actually went swimming. Something about the swimming pool being too ‘peccable’ for everyone else to get in. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Also, it was raining (in New Mexico! Honestly, New Mexico!).

So we left, choosing to go crash someone’s graduation party instead. Unfortunately, we arrived just after all of the people our age had left (at least that’s what I’m hoping. Because if not… Nana’s really let herself go).

Figuring ‘the third party’s the charm’ (that’s not mine. That bon mot reeks of Jack,,, which doesn’t mean that he said it, just that it smells like him), we crashed another party. When we realized that that party whomped, we crashed another. Then we came back to my house and watched “Family Guy.” Oh, if I had a catfish for every time I’ve given up the possibility of excusable public drunkenness for cartoons, then my pool would never have algae again!

Sorry… pool cleaning humor. Anyway, I’ve gotta go now. My arms are sunburnt for some reason…

The Changes.

Submitting to the Man. Thanks to a recent suggestion by a trumpet-wielding maniac, I have opened a PayPal account. Apparently, this will make it easier for people to order subscriptions and will eliminate the ‘check is in the mail’ excuse. However, the ‘check is in the e-mail’ and ‘it must have gotten lost in cyberspace’ excuses are still open.
I tried to open up a business account mutually for the Ind. e-Pen and the Pix Capacitor, but PayPal hates us bad entrepreneurs. So instead, I just opened a personal account to which you can donate money, order back issues, or buy a subscription. Just go to the website and say that you want to give this e-mail account moneys.
Well, don’t say it, type it. That might work better.

The Quiz. At the end of every e-mail, I usually include a question to give people the ability to get a Pix Capacitor mailed to them at no cost. Due to the recent deluge of (presumably correct) responses, I’ve (tentatively) decided to replace the question with a weekly quiz to see if that works better. I’ll introduce it next week and it could cover anything from the previous e-mail to the Universe and everything between. Ah, don’t you love how I put the ‘exam’ back in Summerexambreak?

Opening the forum. We’ve done about twenty e-mails so far this year, and the only chance that anyone has really had of sending their viewpoints or telling their stories is by answering a weekly question. Noticing this problem, I have decided to open this viewsletter up to the public by allowing you to submit any stories of your life, thoughts, or ramblings. The rules are simple: don’t do anything stupid. However, to appease the lawyers (not my lawyers, just these guys that I send this e-mail to), I’ve attached a detailed list of stuff that I figure I’ll publish at the beginning of every season from now on:

Things you CAN’T do:

• Swear. Basically, unless you work them in cleverly, don’t write any of the seven words you can’t say on television (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tit). Also, no racial, ethnic, or religious slurs (unless it’s your race, ethnicity, or religion, it’s best to just stay off the topic).
• Tell inside jokes. If I don’t get it, it’s out. If only I get it, it’s out. If it’s only pertinent, funny, or obvious to your town, county, or state, it’s pretty much out too. However, if you explain the joke or the origin of it, you can leave it in.
• Not Proofread. I can correct missing words, homonyms (but not homophones), and some grammar errors. But the moment I don’t know how to correct it, it’s out.
• Plagiarize. I don’t have to publish your name (or your sources), if you don’t wish me to, but all work submitted must say who wrote it and whether or not any information used came from anywhere in particular.

Things You CAN Do:

• Use it to further your political agenda. Hey, I need to maintain my credibility (shh! it’s true), you don’t.
• Insult any group that attracts attention to itself (or could defend itself).

Things You CAN Do, but in moderation:

• Refer to previous issues.
• Insult me, Gabe, or any previous guest writers.
• Picking on any group too much.
• Introducing characters, people (including friends/family/enemies) in your article. Generally two is the limit, but this can vary.

One last thing:

Okay. First of all, I’d like to mention that I single-handedly taught Trumpet Rob Troyan and Silly Nikki Soohy how to solve a Rubik’s cube. I just wanted to pat myself on the back for that. Okay, sure, they put a lot of practice in, but that had nothing to do with it, surely? Anyway, congrats to my good friend Adelay for making me laugh. She, and also Mr. Rob and Ms. Nikki, get a free Pix Capacitor this fortnight. Hmm… maybe I should get started on writing that one…

Last Week’s Question: Can YOU solve a Rubik’s Cube?

Adelay’s Answer: “No, and it’s not possible to solve it. The phenomenon of the Rubik’s cube landing on all of the same colors is strictly luck in any case.”

This Week’s Question: Do YOU have any adventures to write about?

To be removed from this list, add me to yours.

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+20+++ Introduction: =============== Yikes! Isn’t this supposed to be summer break? Shouldn’t I be less busy now than I was during school? Jeez. I can’t take the pressure anymore, let me go back to Final’s Week! A Gap, a party, and a graduation, and a graduation, and a party, and a party,…