Ind e-Pen XIX

The Ind e-Pen
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Introduction:
===============

Bah, humbug. I’m becoming a Jehovah’s Witness. That’s right mom, no Mother’s day present for you. Okay, okay, yeah, I know I did that last year, then renounced my religion the day before my birthday only to take it up again the week before Father’s day, but this year is different. This year I’m going to create my own sect of Jehovah’s Winessesism that allows members to accept birthday presents. I think I’ll call it JW-2: Judgment Sect.

13 miles, 13 goodbyes, and a partridge in a pear tree

I’m not an emo kid. In fact, you could even call me Not-emo (or Nemo if you wish). I find it rather difficult to EMOte my EMOtions while I’m busy looking for my rEMOte control. Quite often I simply end up concealing them in a bad joke. Let me give you a dEMO:

Knock, knock
(Who’s there?)
Boo Hoo.
(Boo Hoo who?)
Don’t cry,
it’s just a joke.

Don’t mock me for my disability, I don’t mock you for your peg leg. Or your eye patch. Or your hook. Despite the fact that I have my doubts about how authentic they are. Truth be told, I’m beginning to think that they might be Pirated (ha!).

Anyway, this last week was not only the last half of final’s week, but also the week that I, and everyone else, left the Indiana University of Pennsylvania.

There’s something about leaving a place forever that makes people extra nice to you before you leave (unlike leaving a place regularly. One time, when they chased me out of castle Frankenstein, not one guy with a pitchfork or torch wished me a safe walk home– friggin’ rude jackanapes).

Everyone seems extra nice and somewhat unwilling to say goodbye for good. This particular group of people was so touched by my leaving that they had a party, presumably as a farewell for me. Granted, through some accident of scheduling, I couldn’t be there for the majority of the party. Oh, well, I hope they had fun without me…

The goodbyes started on Tuesday with my very own roommate. It was the saddest moment of the week for me, not because I’m going to miss him (though it’s possible that I will), but because I knew that afterwards I had to run thirteen miles.

Let me explain.

One of my life goals has always been to run a marathon (here I define “has always” as “since mid 2003″). For about four months now, I’ve been running an average of a mile a day (and I’m not even including the walking to and from the study lounge, despite the fact that I do that constantly. Hey, Somebody has to bother the people studying).

Well, I realized that if I didn’t at least do half of a marathon while I was in shape (in my case, an oval), then I would never get myself to do an entire marathon later. So I decided that from noon till four on Tuesday, I would run 13 miles around the track.

In case you’re wondering, 13 miles is 52 laps. It’s also 20.8 kilometers…, which is about 20.4 kilometers more than I can run without being winded. It’s a terrible sign when, two percent into your journey, you lose all will to keep going and only want it to be over. I wish that I could say that that was an isolated incident, but it happens to me all the time, it’s the reason I’m still single.

Eventually, I finished the 52 laps (plus or minus seven laps– it’s hard to keep track of petty details like that when you’re going insane. Actually, I don’t think that it was insanity. It was basically just the same two thoughts repeating themselves in my head incessantly: ‘why didn’t I use any sunscreen?’ and ‘why didn’t I stretch?’

Somehow I survived the running (in case you’re wondering, I’m still sore and still sun burnt. That last paragraph was quite serious). The worst part is that next week is my annual 13-mile walk across an accursed mountain. You’d think that a weird coincidence like that would have jogged (ha!) my memory and I would have not bothered to run the first time, knowing I’d have to do it all over again so soon, but it didn’t.

I spent the next two days saying goodbye to everyone I’d met throughout the exchange. The goodbyes kept getting sadder and sadder too. I heard everything from “I’ll miss you so much” to “can we like– Not pay you back?”

Sigh, but then the worst part of the entire experience came up to bite me in the arse (isn’t it funny how I think that Everything is the worst part?). On Wednesday I had to pack.
You’d think that, if you packed on Sunday, and you packed on Tuesday, that on Wednesday you’d have less packing to do. At least less than half, right? Nope. The second law of thermodynamics doesn’t apply to packaging or restaurant bills, anyone who’s ever gone out with their friends to eat knows this.

The worst part (quit it!) was when I had to check out. Aside from not being able to go back into my room and having to sleep in the study lounge, I had to bring my room up to par with how I had received it at the beginning of the semester. Last time I had to check out of a dorm room, my R.A. kept me there for over two hours cleaning up different parts of the room. Luckily, my roommate had already moved out. Hold on, I’ll explain.

You see, him moving out means that he successfully checked out. What that means is that his side of the room was up to par. So really, the only thing to do was switch all of his stuff with mine and have them check it, not knowing that they were just checking the same stuff over again. The beauty of it all is that if anyone does eventually catch on (and they will, once they realize that everything on my side of the room was held together with bubble gum and aluminum foil), I’ll be blameless because they gave me a sheet of paper saying that I had successfully passed the check-out process. Ah… life is good…

The Friggin’ Drive Home

As of right now I have gone 8,500 miles since my last oil change. I meant to get it changed when I took my impromptu trip to Texas, but never got around to it on the count of it being extra work and I was having so much fun catching up on my lost sleep.

I really should change my oil soon, but first I need to unpack everything from my car. Since I left Indiana, Pennsylvania on Thursday morning, it would make sense that I would be home right now, right? Yeah, like I’m stupid enough to go home on Mother’s Day.

No, I’ve been staying in different people’s houses (in Albuquerque, Las Cruces, and now Chaparral) since Friday. It’s the reason that this e-mail is late– that and because I’m inconsiderate.

So how was my trip, you ask? Ugh– don’t ask.

The most interesting thing that happened during the trip (aside from my constant dozing off) was in Illinois. St. Elmo II, Illinois to be exact. Apparently, St. Elmo was so popular that they did a sequel.

If you’ll remember, a few weeks ago I went to New York City to pee in the world-famous Waldorf Hotel. Well, a few days ago, while driving through Illinois, I noticed that they had a Waldorf MOTEL (strategically located in front of the most ominous looking cemetery I’ve ever seen). I drove into the town, expecting to compare this lovely rip-off’s restrooms with the original’s, but this lobby (aside from being 1/100th the size of the Hotel) had no restrooms.
It’s probably best if I don’t explain what happened after that, but I’m sure if you think about it long enough, you’ll guess what I did next. That’s right: I drove away. Wink, wink.

One last thing:

Congratulations to Jessy Salinas, the person I decided won last week’s question (technically Matt Gorzalski should have won, but he didn’t. Not because I have anything against him, just because his responses amuse me and I want to see what he’ll say when I, like everyone else in his life, screws him out of what he justly deserves). She wins a Pix Capacitor for that (Jessy, the person you probably forgot about while reading those dang parentheses that I feel are so important, but you probably shouldn’t be reading anyway).

Last Week’s Question: Doesn’t [the fact that I have to include an unsubscribe option as per the latest “œCan Spam” legislation that was recently implemented to arrest four people in Detroit who were accused of sending millions of e-mails making fraudulent claims to hundreds of thousands of annoyed internet-philes] suck?

Most Excellent Answer(s): Yes, also [insert gay joke about me here].

This Week’s Question: Can YOU solve a Rubik’s Cube?

To be removed from this list, complain loudly about it to your neighbor.

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+19+++ Introduction: =============== Bah, humbug. I’m becoming a Jehovah’s Witness. That’s right mom, no Mother’s day present for you. Okay, okay, yeah, I know I did that last year, then renounced my religion the day before my birthday only to take it up again the week before Father’s day, but this year…