Goodie Grab Bag IX

2: I try to make people regret talking to me sometimes.
1: Yeah, I can tell.
2: Wait… I’ve never done that to you.

Have you ever read something that was meant to be funny but wasn’t?

3: Have you ever cheated on me?
1: That depends on your definition of ‘on.’

If I had to give a prize for greatest roommate ever, Jess would get it. And if I had to give the prize for greatest Ex_Cal ever… Jess would get it again, but it would be close. Real close…

2: My car isn’t here. I need a ride. Hey, your car’s outside: can I ask you a favor?
1: What’s that?

Fuck people with AIDS!

1: How does not knowing your own emotions make you feel?
2: I don’t know!

Everyone fights themselves sometimes, it’s just that when I do it, I win.

1: Are you legitimately sad? Or just pretending so well that you fool yourself?
2: I… don’t know!
1: And not knowing makes you sad?
2: Yes!
1: Really?
2: Ehh… I guess…

Necessity is the mother of all invention, but procrastination is the mother of necessity.

1: She says you’re not talking to her enough
2: What?? I talk to her plenty! Go back and ask her what she means.