Tao of Gabe: On Mascots

Tao of Gabe

Gabe the Inconspicuous Beaver here to try to quell the flames of hatred. It seems there has been a ‘controversy’ over the rumors of the proposed changing of NMSU’s mascot. Of course, if my information is wrong and there isn’t a proposed change (which is entirely possible), then there will be a rumor as soon as this is published.

We in the media like to be responsible, we just don’t like being held responsible.
It seems that every year there is a ‘controversy’ on campus that has half the student body in an uproar (the torso and pelvis). Of course, this always leaves the other half (head, arms and legs) wondering just what is going on.

Most students are always left out of these controversies. For instance, do you remember that year when the controversy was over whether NMSU should clone three-legged puppies, do infantile canine stem-cell research, infect them with an experimental AIDS-Anthrax combination, then sell them to the Chinese black market for pennies on the dollar?

No? Nevermind then, I guess it wasn’t that controversial.

In any case, the ‘controversy’ reminds me of my own days as a student when our school wanted to change their mascot from Malcomn the Black Panther to something less racial like Paco the Brown Coyote, Apache the Red Buffalo, or Han the Yellow Panda.

My own group of friends was divided quite evenly between Fred the Ripe Tomato and Chuck the Crunchy Carrot. Personally, I was a fan of Dave the Biting Mosquito.

In the end, nobody won but Han, who died soon afterward from a rare and literal form of Yellow Fever. So now that controversy once again rips at the seams of my institution, I have decided not to take sides.

I understand both sides and respect them equally. I understand that Pistol Pete is a crazy, gun-toting maniac who sends the wrong message about NMSU and his crazy-ass rampage must be stopped before any cheerleaders get poked in the eye with a metaphorical gun (notice how good taste prevailed and I said ‘eye’ ‘metaphorical’ and ‘gun’ respectively?).

On the other hand, I also understand that he is our crazy, gun-toting maniac. So what if he represents an era that none of us can remember? The point is that he’s as much a part of New Mexico State University as the parking lots that are being torn up and (presumably) repaved.

Have they no sense of history (I’m not sure who I’m referring to, I just know I’m angry. You can tell by how many question marks I’ll put at the end of these parentheses)????

(Four, by the way)

In any case, a mark of pride for me with our current mascot has always been that he is the only mascot that wins every time he’s put up against UTEP’s mascot (Mining Myrtle). That is to say he would, if they didn’t load his guns with blanks.

Love, Panda Style,
Gabe D. Beaver

“Remember Kids: Ending a sentence with four question marks is a serious breech of English grammar. In most instances, three would suffice.”

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