flu’d.

It’s okay if i always compare myself to other people, other people do it too.

Shopping with mom. Or: how i learned to stop worrying and love the revolver.

My dreams are a very low-budget affair, populated by a cast of extras and strangers playing the roles of my friends.

Four hours, five hundred dollars, and no health improvements later and the lesson is- if your child gets sick, buy ear plugs and lock the door.

These guys are as efficient as the american auto industry.

It’s harder to check out of here than the hotel california.

My tummy hurts. I’m going to check into the cafeteria wing of this hospital.

Man, i’m glad we beat the rush. I’d hate to be stuck at the hospital on Black Friday.

Nephew’s got steroids to lessen the swelling on his airways. Muscle mass, baldness, and increased aggression are just a bonus!

You know the saying “time heals all wounds?” I think that’s this hospital’s entire treatment plan.

‘member when my parents had to bring Me to the hospital? Sigh….. That was not fun for anyone.. Why didn’t I have an ironic uncle?

“Has he come into contact with any SARS patients? What about live poultry?”

In hospital. Nephew sick. Sister-in-law worried It’s the consumption.

How do you tell someone that they’re a bad father, an awful husband, a terrible person, stupid, AND going bald? Does Hallmark have a card?

There is a 1:1 Ratio between desire to go out in the cold for fresh air and desire for a cigarette.

Happy Tofurkey Day Tofeveryone!