Month: November 2008

I don’t prejudge, I just precorrelate. October 24 All my friends that have moved to red states have turned Republican. I, on the other hand, moved to North Carolina and now it’s tinting blue. October 26 So it turns out I don’t have cancer. Oh, well, you can’t win them all. October 28 Not only…

The Honda dealer— Looking condescendingly: “Bend over,” he says. Related posts: The Magic Ratio There is a direct and inverse squared ratio between the amount of awesome stuff one does and how many posts they put on their blog. Figure that one out.. .. Or don’t. Whatever. It works… Manifesto A spectre is haunting me…

At the basketball game: Me: Who’s Apple Pie? John: She’s the last cheerleader on the right.  The blond one. Me: Dude.  She looks like she’s Thirteen. John: You don’t think I should call her Apple Pie? Me: To be honest, no. John: What do you think, then?  Peach Pie?  Blueberry Pie? Me: Blueberry would be…

“You can’t have my sperm!  I need it!” — Me, two days ago, to a lesbian in Alaska. Related posts: Goodie Grab Bag I I am now a god at the Rubik’s Cube. It means nothing to those of you who don’t twist, but I figured out the last bit I needed to solve it…

“you’re so good at making fun of poor people.  it’s impressive.” — Bre K. November 12, 2008 Related posts: On Seeking Non-Paying Work Dear Editor,As a reclusive beaver with an only marginal grasp on reality and and even more marginal grasp on the concept of humans, I’ve realized that I’m the perfect person to give…

“I just found out that Doritos are made from tortillas! … I just wanted to tell somebody.” — Frank Jagear Nov. 11, 2008 Related posts: Phone Transcripts I Pixel: Hello. Anita: Hello. (thirty second pause) Pixel: Hi. Anita: Hello. (thirty second pause) Pixel: Who is this? Anita: Anita. Pixel: Oh. (forty-five second pause) Pixel: Do…