Everytime I read a post about someone else’s life, I always wonder if it isn’t just an elaborate farce, the way my blog is…

26. I once tried to go a whole day in which everything I said was a lie. It was surprisingly difficult. Apparently there’s some things we say in day to day life that aren’t easily categorized as true or false. Curious.

Hm. I have a life update, but it’s one of those happy updates and those bore me. So, instead, I’m going to update you on my anti-life. For those of you who don’t know (about this concept I just made up), an anti-life is the exact opposite of a regular life. The idea is to write ambiguous things that have no clear opposites, then see if you can trigger the laugh response as people attempt to reverse-engineer your regular life. ¹

Okay, so yesterday I was sleeping with twelve supermodels in my palatial estate,² when my butler informed me that the UPS guy had stopped by and was sitting in my greeting room enjoying a nice cup of hot cider.

I invited him into my brief conversation room and we lit some cigars as we discussed world geopolitics. After half an hour of talking, I realized I was nude and went back to my room to change into a bathrobe and pipe. As I returned to my chandelier room, the UPS informed me, in verse, that Duke had withdrawn their fellowship offer and was giving me $1020 less than I had previously expected. Just then, he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was spontaneous and did spontaneous things such that, when the early morning rolled around, I telepathically communicated with an ugly, taciturn guy about getting together for a picnic in the park at sunrise. It never came about, however, and we had a terrible time, so we’ll never talk again. Especially not next Tuesday.

p.s. If you’ve figured out that last paragraph, then I had a lovely time, thanks for asking.

1. Damn. I should have just said the idea is to “be funny.” [↩]
2. What can I say, I have slow Fridays. [↩]