Apologies for things I wish I could have said, but didn’t

So, the anonymity of it all got to me.  What I meant to say, in order:

• I didn’t mean you only looked stupid when you wear that hat.  The hat was a needless qualifier, those were two separate thoughts.  ‘You look stupid.’  Also, you ‘wear that hat.’  But you should probably still lose that hat.
• I’m sorry I told you you had a banana in your ear.  I should have kept it to myself and YouTube.
• Really, I’m just sorry you found out that I knew about it ahead of time.
• Wait, you mean you weren’t raped in the face by an allosaurus?  …  wow.  Um.  So, who do you blame, then?  God?
• You are a woman.  I understand that now.  Sorry, it was just confusing at first.  I mean, look at you!  …You understand.
• I should probably not have used your real name as your porn name… sorry.
• I just don’t think you live so well.
• “You have some nerve” is a terrible thing to say to someone with polyneuropathy.  Sorry.
• Good episode.
• Hi George.  Jeff…  Jim?  John??  *sigh*  Hey Dude.
• I love you, but I’m not in love with you.  I love you like a sister.  And coincidentally, I love your sister.  I love her carnally: like a lover.
• When I said I hate you, I meant I’m in hate with you.
• I should sharpen my knives.
• I’m sorry I said your weight approximated a singularity.  I know I didn’t say it earlier, but I was thinking it.  And I’m sorry I said it now while pretending to apologize for something I didn’t think earlier and, in fact, just thought up now.  Also: sorry I keep lying to you.
• Win/win, right?
• I regret only that you have but one life to give to my false testimony.
• Nah, you can have the hours of my life, I really don’t care that much.
• (*stab*)
• I miss you, Kyle.  Seriously.  🙁
• Greeks make the worst paradoxes.  If you don’t believe me, does firing an arrow into a heap of sand make you doubt all of existence?  Yeah, me either.
• I also cheated at Uno, Strip Twister, and in our relationship.
• This was fun!  Let’s do it again!

There!  Does everyone feel better now?

So, the anonymity of it all got to me.  What I meant to say, in order: I didn’t mean you only looked stupid when you wear that hat.  The hat was a needless qualifier, those were two separate thoughts.  ‘You look stupid.’  Also, you ‘wear that hat.’  But you should probably still lose that hat.…