Things that are sketchy and things that are not

(Hey guys: I’m trying to come back slowly into the Internet.  Here’s something silly.)

I was just asked for money in a parking lot outside of a Burger King. The man, ‘Jared,’ wanted $5 to ‘call his mom.’  I slowly shifted into reverse, rolled up my window, and idled out of there. I drove around the restaurant three times before I left. I figured: might as well out-sketch the sketchy dude. ¹

But what is sketch? I don’t know. I couldn’t define it if I wanted to. But I can think of a bunch of things that are.  Any what better way than to learn by analogy, right?

• One guy standing under a street lamp – sketchy
• A man and a woman standing under a street lamp – not sketchy (unless she is not dressed appropriately)
• Three college-aged walking in the night in the middle of the road, stumbling – not yet sketch
• Three guys walking in the night in the middle of the road – very sketch
• Anyone wearing prescription glasses at any time of day – not sketch
• Cory Hart wearing his sunglasses at night – sketch
• Police blocking off an otherwise innocuous stretch of road, waving people into a detour through the bad side of town – sketch
• A car following you at night with its lights off – sketch
• An ambulance following you at night with its lights off – just plain weird.  But also a bit sketch
• Back streets with few or no street lamps – sketch
• Alleys that smell like urine – sketch
• People in old, dirty clothes that smell like urine – sketch
• Drawings that are done quickly, usually with a pencil – sketch

Very well.  That’s the list of everything I could think of.  Hope it helps later when you’re alone and wondering of things are sketch or not.

1. This is a lie, but you don’t know any better. I only drove around once, and that was to order from the drive-thru.  But when I left, I came up with so many things I could have done or said that would have been cool.  For instance: “I couldn’t give you money even if I believed you.” [↩]