I don’t know what the surface tension of alcohol is– but tonight I’m going to find out.

Roses are red.
Me: “I’ve been feeling more depressed recently” Also Me: “you’ve been spending time on Twitter again” Me again: “what’s your point?” Me, too: *scrolling*
You can’t ask me how I’m doing, it’s a violation of HIIPA.
1: where do you see yourself in five years? 2: best case scenario? Dead.

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