Pixel

People I’ve hurt this decade: >0. It feels like that number should really be 0. Let’s try to make it 0 in the next decade, yeah?

Back home. Too many memories here. Too many memories, period. I’m usually against rampant gentrification, but if they’ll bulldoze Memory Lane, I’m all for it.

There’s nothing more Gen X than never having bothered to come up with a name for itself.

I used to say the worst part of having friends is being unable to live their lives for them. But maybe the worst part of being me is that people can’t live my life for me?

SSRIsyphus. That’s it, that’s the tweet.

I can’t wait to use my 2020 glasses on New Years. Although, if they’re 20/20, why do I need glasses? (I’ll see myself out.)

I made her life hell before. I’m better now, but I’d probably still make her life heck.

Perks of dating me: lots of jokes x 1% hit rate = lots of laughs many deep thoughts without being douchy about it own my own car, have a nice apartment, and don’t fret about money if I break your…

I’m like an onion: easy to cut, will make you cry, and falls apart under the tiniest bit of pressure.

I think this is the most extraordinary collection of criminality, of imbecility, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Donald Trump dined alone.