Author: Gabe the Beaver

Dear Gabe: I have this friend who has this advice blog, you see, but he doesn’t allow anonymous comments on it, so the many people wanting advice, but don’t want their ideas known end up going to some other blog. How should I go about telling my friend that anonymous comments would be handy, even…

Dear Gabe, My cousin has a nose picking disorder, and recently it has become chronic. He told me that he had a mission to find his brain. I’m concerned for his disorder, and was wondering what could aide my cousin in his mission? -Derry Aire Dear Derry Aire, And you should be concerned for your…

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+11+++ Introduction: =============== This is Gabe the Beaver filling in for whoever sends these silly e-mails out regularly. I wish I could tell you, seeing as he IS my direct boss, but quite frankly, I never cared about company politics anyway. What he wanted me to tell you was that he was…

Dear Gabe, Why don’t you run for Governor? You can’t possibly mess up the position anymore, and lord knows you can’t [expletive deleted] fuck New Mexico over any worse than it already is. —Joe Voter Dear Joe, Well the truth is, Gabie isn’t quite twenty-five years old yet. In fact, by most estimates Gabie isn’t…

Dear Gabe, How do you deal with Midterms? I know when it comes to the bottom line, I usually choke. —Joe Frosch Dear Joe, It’s no secret that midterms are tough. It’s extremely hard to sink your teeth into them. Especially when you’re a beaver, like my girlfriend Clara.* What I usually do is take…

Dear Gabe, Why do people shave their eyebrows? -Seattle-based Service Administrator. Dear Ass-backwards, You are probably saying this in remarks to what a local editor of a local paper did to his local face. Well, the most simple response to that is that people are stupid. We’re not saying this local editor is stupid, after…