Tao of Gabe: On History

Tao of Gabe

Gabe the Benevolent Beaver here worried about his place in the history books. I worry about what is going to survive me when I can no longer the job myself.

More than anything, I’d hate to be lost to anonymity like the third James Bond or the first George Bush.

There are some things that would be worse than anonymity, however. For instance, I could be associated with something humiliating for all of beaver history like my uncle Chip who was arrested for improper relations with a groundhog back in February.

If you’re named Dick, John, Peter, Willie, Woody, Ginny, Aunt Flo, or Ralph, you know what it feels like to be associated with something dirty. I’m Gabe D. Beaver, so I don’t need to worry about anything until somebody decides “Gabe” should be a lewd slang for a body part.

In any case, there is a formula for becoming famous that is neither embarrassing nor difficult. To become famous, you must either do something first, best, or most widely. In other words, tell your collective mother that I still love her.

Take Copernicus for example. It might seem easy enough to decipher the movements of celestial bodies and orchestrate a method to explain their movements without complex computer systems, but that’s only looking back with our 21st century eyes. At the time it was probably quite difficult, along the lines of self-immolation or perhaps even as hard as it is going to be for Rupert Grint to find a job after the Harry Potter franchise ends.

The formula isn’t that simple, however. You cannot simply earn the first doctorate in underwater basket weaving to earn your place in the world. What you do must be different enough to be taken seriously. I mean no disrespect to serious aquatic basket weavers when I say that. I envy your skills.

Alternatively, you could do something the best and be known for that. For instance, Bram Stoker did not originate the concept of vampires. That existed over fifty years before Dracula was published. He managed to earn a place in history by taking concepts that were only vaguely defined before and giving them clarity. George A. Romero could take lessons.

Alternatively, you could be like D. Gabe Fahrenheit and create a scale so flawed that round numbers are avoided like the plague. When a version is so ingrained that, no matter how flawed it is, people would fight to preserve it, you’ve done your job. The Qwerty keyboard is an example of that.

So long as everybody agrees that you’re the originator or the best, it won’t matter that the only reason they think that is because you said it so much. The music industry is good at that.

Heck, with enough publicity, anybody could become famous for anything. If you don’t believe me, ask Monica Lewinski.

Love, memorable love,

Gabe D. Beaver

“Remember Kids: Write to your congressman to let him know you care.”

Tao of Gabe Gabe the Benevolent Beaver here worried about his place in the history books. I worry about what is going to survive me when I can no longer the job myself. More than anything, I’d hate to be lost to anonymity like the third James Bond or the first George Bush. There are…