Hello and welcome new denizens to another classic column by your very own Gabriel O’Beaver Leibowitz.
As you are well aware, next week shall be New Mexico College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts’ March week off from school (Go NM A & M Aggies!).
This year, our progressive school has decided to allow us to have a “break,” during the “spring.” This has led many alumni to protest President Roger “the goat” Corbett for apparently turning his back on his agricultural roots (ha ha!) and appeasing the homo-commie-nazi-hippie leftists seeking equal rights for colored folk.
As you’ll no doubt recall, the last time the alumni were in such an uproar was when they proposed changing Pistol Pete to Six-shooter Pete (the “Piñata Pedro” we printed last issue was white lie-colored yellow journalism). Then it turned out that that incident had been made up in some humor column in order to create debate. This too caused many alumni to protest.
Now, we’re going to have an entire week free from classes to study and move ahead with our degree plans without being distracted by regular homework! I don’t know about you, but I expect to see far more students in the library starting Saturday morning. I’m going to arrive at dawn just to get a good study spot with access to a typewriter with E and I keys that don’t jam if you hit them at the same time.
My roommate, Dave, and his girlfriend Geena Davis are flaking off to some spot in Florida called Fort Lauderdale that they saw in last year’s hit comedy, “Where the Boys Are,” but I doubt too many other people will not be stoked to have an extra week to study. I predict I will have to punch, kick, and grope all of the Delta Zetas bogarting the microfiche, or periodicals, or waiting in line for the bathroom, or just standing around not being groped.
I also predict Cincinnati will take Ohio State in college basketball and Brazil will take Czechoslovakia by two in the FIFA world cup. It’s too bad that at press time it is four decades after the events occurred, so I’ll never get the credit I deserve for my psychic abilities.
What you choose to do for the break is your choice. I recommend trying that new quick chow restaurant in town: McDonald’s. I hear it angers the alumni.
Then again, what doesn’t?
Gabriel “the Beav” O’Beaver Leibowitz II
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