Ind e-Pen XXX

The Ind e-Pen
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Introduction
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Oh, man! Has this week been exciting and mysterious, or what? I mean, first that one classified adventure, then that other confidential rendezvous with the unknown stranger, finally that mysterious test of character and ability. Oh, if only this didn’t have to be forever hidden from the people who are the most curious (ha ha. It’s actually kind of ironic if you think about it). Oh, well..

Top 15 names to call recently bald people claiming to be sex gods:

1. Ghandi
2. Dr. Evil
3. Buddha
4. Old Man
5. Uncle Fester
6. Cue Ball
7. Peanut
8. Coconut
9. Crome Dome
10. Powder
11. Pelón (Spanish for Baldie)
12. Baldie
13. Light Bulb
14. Kiwi
15. Monkey Nut

A Mock Interview:

As per the “Illegal or Inappropriate” article on Monster.com (aah! Aaahh!!!), I have decided to create my own series of questions to ask should I ever be in charge of hiring (ha ha). I figure that if the candidates avoid the illegal questions, they must be hiding something, thus, the only way to be sure is to ask them. Fair enough? Now on to the questions:

1. What gender are you?
2. Are you single?
3. Are you likely to become single?
4. Is your relationship open?
5. Are you willing to relocate?
6. What is your religion?
7. Is it the same as mine?
8. Are you willing to change it?
9. What is your race?
10. Are you in the top three at least?
11. And if so, did you get the silver?
12. Are you married?
13. Well, are you divorced?
14. Did he beat you?
15. Did you like it?
16. How long did you put up with it?
17. If it were to happen again, how long would you put up with it?
18. Are you gay?
19. Are you likely to become gay?
20. If so, is it likely to be for Elijah Wood? (who is www.veryverygay.com)
21. Do you have any kids?
22. How many?
23. Are any of them hot 18 year old girls?
24. Well, when DO they turn 18?
25. Are you pregnant?
26. Really?
27. Are you sure?
28. When was your last menstruation?
29. Hmm…
30. Are you liable to get knocked up?
31. Oh, Damn.
32. Do you have insurance?
33. Do you have a Health Condition?
34. BOO!!!!
35. Where are you from?
36. Are you willing to relocate that?
37. Are you handicapped?
38. Do you object to being called a gimp?
39. Gimpitty-gimp-gimp?
40. Do you have a sense of humor?
41. Do we need to make any special provisions for you?
42. Ha ha ha. No, seriously, you’re fine with stuff the way it is, right?
43. What would you consider to be your weaknesses?
44. What about your strengths?
45. Do you have any super strengths?
46. Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
47. That’s not what your wife said.
48. How old are you?
49. How old do you want to be one year from now?
50. Why do you want this job?
51. When can you start?
52. Why should we hire you?
53. Why do you want to know?
54. What did the blind, deaf, mute, paraplegic kid get for Christmas?
55. CANCER!!!

Top 25 Failed Spin-off Business Ventures

1. AppleCee’s restaurant
2. Death magazine
3. Space magazine
4. Newsyear magazine
5. Blended magazine
6. Lesser Ajax soap
7. Jennifer Hate Hewitt
8. Drive-Thru Orthodontics
9. Happy-Ho Conselors
10. Sperm Bank ATMs
11. The new “Life” for those serving 25 to Life
12. Dirteenex tissues
13. Quarterhorse Beans
14. Macrowaves
15. Pinebananas
16. Seeded Seedless Watermelons
17. Virus Phones
18. Tissue Phones
19. Organism Phones
20. Palm Copilots (they drink martinis)
21. Rerecliners
22. Femail
23. The Second Bush White House
24. The Picks Crapassshitter (oy… what were we THINKING??)
25. Flintstone’s Chewable Minerals

A Small Quiz:

This week, my loveable daughter Denise gets a free Pix Capaacitor. Good job. And now, on

to–

This Week’s Questions:

1. Can you think of a good name to call my fuzzy-headed friend?
2. Any questions I forgot that aren’t just ripped off from www.dead-baby-jokes.com?
3. Are you planning on creating a spin-off business? If so, what is it?

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Just note, we’ll hate you forever if you do.