Shocking revelation from my subconscious to yours

You know what I just remembered? When I was a kid, my godmother used to electrocute me.

She thought it was therapeutic or beneficial or something, but the point is that the woman shocked me!

She also used to have… contests… with my brother after eating eggs. It was disgusting. Sometimes I’d have to leave the room because of the smell.

Not that I’m saying she was a bad godmother, far from it. She was and probably still is my favourite aunt. She just had a very immature way about her. Not that that’s bad or anything.

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And another thing: I’ve been afraid and ashamed of going to cut my hair for years. I’d not realized that.

Before I was 11, I’d be ashamed for my bumpy, bumpy head (calling all phrenologists), after that, I’d be ashamed of my bald spot. See if you can find it, it looks pleasantly like a bullet hole.

At some point I convinced myself that it was because I hated spending money on what I considered an eternal recurrence, but now I’m thinking I just didn’t like it from an early age.

I always wanted my haircuts to be new and sharp and inventive, but my father kept saying that the mark of a good haircut is that nobody knows you had one.

Bah! That’s the mark of a good Japanese wife, not a haircut. What good is doing something for appearance if the entire goal is to not appear as if you did something for your appearance?

It’s silly, if you ask me. And nobody mention deodorant or showering: there are personal reasons for those. Haircuts are purely social.

Aren’t they?

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This guy’s character tablet is gold.

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And this is random fun, but again I find myself reading every single comic and moving on, likely to never come back.

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Whoa. I just got an e-mail from myself. It was thoughtful, but frankly, a little scary.
It’s like he knew exactly what I thought!
(note to self: think nothing. You’re already blunt, but now there’s a set of twins with mindreading powers and a time-travelling Pixel to look out for)

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So I finally figured out Deviant Art. Thank Gosh. I was afraid I would be completely ignorant. My problem before was in knowing which ‘deviations’ where done by whom. It was silly, really, but I’d never looked for more than a few minutes.

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Despite all evidence to the contrary, my suicidality has officially ended. I’m ‘Oomphed‘ to the extreme.

Oh, and by the way, I’ve had a death wish for the past six months. I didn’t want to say anything for fear it might make people start caring and stuff. But now that that’s over, and that I’m looking both ways before I cross the street again, I can let you know.

Update: Apparently I did let you all know, but nobody did anything. Now don’t you just feel like jerks?

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