28. I’m so bad at e-mail, it’s ridiculous. Today I e-mailed my friend Steve in response to an e-mail he sent exactly ONE YEAR AGO. I swear I’ll get better at it someday, but I’m too much of a perfectionist to send any trite prose, so sometimes I send nothing at all.
I should get the mail.
I get the mail.
Is that a package?
It is a package. Packages are usually for me, but it might be for my mom, cuz I’m not expecting anything.
I pick up the package and read the label.
No, it’s for me.
Hm. This seems to be a sock-mailing package. Or possibly a doll (voodoo or otherwise). Maybe it’s from my friend Moofruot.
Huh. That’s odd, there’s no return address. Should I open it?
I shake it.
It sounds like it might have been a glass that broke before delivery. But who would send me a glass?
It might have a bomb in it. It would be silly to open it.
Maybe I should get my mom to open it.
No, wait, that’s even worse.
There’s no return address. I can’t figure out where it’s from.
I’m just going to open it.
I open it, eyes squeezed shut.
I didn’t explode. Huh, that’s unfortunate.
I look into the package.
Is that… are those chocolate coins?
It’s a joke! It’s probably a joke about my Duke stipend.
There’s a note.
It says: “Dear Mr. Mariscal, Here is your FALL 2008 award. Don’t spend it all in one place. Best wishes, Duke Uni.”
It’s a joke. But is it a joke for me or on me?
Who would send a package like this? Who uses the word “Uni?”
It could be… no, they wouldn’t send that. Maybe it’s good natured jest from Duke?
I study the package carefully.
85202. The zip code is 85202. Sounds like it’s nearby. I’ll text Google.
I text Google.
“Mesa, Ariz.”
Whoa. I know exactly two people in Arizona and one of them doesn’t know my address. 1
Or does she…?
No, no, it’s definitely Moira. I better look at the handwriting.
Huh. She doesn’t write in all caps…
I look at the note.
The note’s not written in all caps. And that’s a lot like her loopy signature. And look at the trademark M’s.
It’s her. I can eat these coins now.
No, wait, I better wait until she confirms it’s her… just in case these are poisonous.
I text her.
“:)”
It’s her.
I text back.
“I’m glad you like it. I hope it didnt melt.”
Okay, it really is her. I can eat them now
… or can I?
I can. I do.
update:
“I figure youd get it right away from the zipcode so didnt bother to disguise my handwriting on the post it. Also under the label with ur name it says j valadez.”
Oh. Damn.
updated update: Why are there so many buffalo nickels and JFK fifty cent pieces? And the work to taste ratio just isn’t working in their favor. I think these are more novelty gifts than viable capitalistic snacks.
- This thought is incorrect, I actually know three. [↩]
The case of the chocolate coins eh? It sounds like a Sherlock Holmes story! Trademark M’s?
I wonder if it would have been funnier if they had been chocolate laxatives…?