The 10 Ways to Leave the Blogosphere

There are several tried and true strategies. I shall list them in order of lamest to most awesometacular.

1. Final post apologizing for the suckiness of your blog.

   *sigh* I cannot understand why you would attach your name to something you consciously thought sucked. I understand producing momentary lackluster posts (see my archives from Jan. 2006 to May 2007), but an entire blog? Furthermore, even if you don’t like something you wrote- and have made the mistake of publishing it on the internet- why would you call attention to the quality of it? Nobody is going to give you a free pass just because you realize you produce bad work. You’re just going to anger them all.

2. No final blog post, just no more updating.

   So many blogs end up this way, it makes me sad. I realize that at a certain point in your life, the things you thought were important stop being so, so you just leave them alone and forget about them. But a blog isn’t like an unfinished novel or an unattended baby: it’s not just going to go away because you ignore it! Give us a heads up, Anson! I want to know what you’re up to. . . *sigh*

3. Become grotesquely unreliable.

   As best as I can tell, every 2-3 months, Seth posts 2-3 posts. It’s actually quite ingenious if you think about it.

4. Final blog post explaining your departure for ‘personal reasons.’

   It’s a blog, for gosh sakes. Your readers are mostly Google bots and the rest of us just don’t know or care, so what’s the point of not mentioning why you’re leaving? Unless you have HPV or impregnated your mother, we want to know…. come to think of it, we want to know anyway.

5. Slowly morph your blog into a Web site (porn is funniest) until it is no longer a blog.

   It’s a little known fact that I’ve been doing that here for years. In fact, the lightbulb that I recently decided was the logo for my life is really just a bulbous phallic symbol. Oh, and last post, where I posted a bell? That was just a breast.

6. Hire a replacement/take on extra help, then just disappear

   Ha ha, remember when I did that with Ex_cal? If T-Rob posted online, I’d try to stick him with blog duties too.

7. Delete everything overnight Relocate your blog without telling anyone.

   Moof! That was just mean! I looked for your blog for months before I found out about it through Technorati. I even sent you an e-mail and wrote a haiku about it (it would have been an ode, but it just didn’t make sense that you would depart so suddenly).

8. Actually, yeah, delete everything overnight.
   

   I was going to link to something before I realized how silly that would be.

9. Claim your 3-year blog experiment is over.

   I once saw a blog that claimed they had always planned to end the blog after three years, but I think they just messed with their archives to corroborate their story.

10. Murder mystery.

    Granted, I’ve never actually seen a blog where the owner absconds with all of the funds and pretends to be dead. However, I think we can all agree that if anyone actually successfully pulled this off, they would get mad props until the end of time. (We can all agree on mad props, can’t we?)

If you can think of any other ways to leave the blogosphere, comment away. I’m thinking there’s only these 10 or variants thereof.

…It just occurred to me that I’ve done or am planning on doing all of the things on this list. Craziness.

Update (Sept 3, 2007):  Apparently, Moof came up with another one along the line of No. 7: Make your blog private and don’t invite anyone.  Come to think of it, she’s not the first person to do that.  The only person I ever made a blog profile out of (who wrote, chastizing people with private blogs) soon after made her own blog private.  Ha ha ha……. 😡

There are several tried and true strategies. I shall list them in order of lamest to most awesometacular. Final post apologizing for the suckiness of your blog. *sigh* I cannot understand why you would attach your name to something you consciously thought sucked. I understand producing momentary lackluster posts (see my archives from Jan. 2006…