Sorry about the bad advice I gave you last time. I couldn’t help it. It just seemed hilarious at the time. Besides, some jerk future version of myself did it to me when I was your age and he was the age I am now. If I ever get a hold of that bastard, I’ll teach him a lesson. You mark my words!
Anyway, on to the advice:
- Resort to psychological warfare, especially when dealing with bullies. Practice saying this into the mirror until you can pull it off with a straight face and a look of disappointed pity: “Picking on me? Really? No wonder your parents yell all the time. You’re a bad child. You’re the reason they fight. They probably wish you’d never been born. You get in their way. Nobody could love you. You’re a bad child. If they get a divorce, it’ll be your fault. They would have been happy if they’d only had your brother. That’s why you have to take it out on me: it’s the only way anybody will pay attention to you. I just wish you knew how sad and pathetic everyone at school thinks you are. It actually makes me feel bad for you.”
- Do research on your teachers. Find out what school they graduated from and what they’re certified to teach. Then use it in creepy and mysterious ways.
- No matter how certain you are of what you want to do when you grow up, give yourself some wiggle room.
- Avoid getting suckered into activities simply because you don’t want to disappoint someone. That disappoints me.
- Drop the classes you didn’t think you could drop because of some mysterious ‘obligation.’
- Get new glasses or a new hairstyle. I just saw a picture of you and… yikes.
- Don’t talk in class. This goes well with my next piece of advice:
- Shut up.
- Victory is in numbers. Whether it’s a terrible teacher or a self-centered ‘popular clique,’ remember that in high school this will all seem silly. Try to gather all the unpopular kids and unite them against a common enemy. It’s surprising how easy it is to get people behind a geed idea.
- Start writing. You’re better than that junk you read, you just haven’t developed it yet.
- Talk to old friends you grew apart from. You might not get the chance to fix the relationship later when you really want to.
- I’m not going to lie to you, this year is going to suck, but at the end of it all, you’ll be a better person for it.
- Oh, and learn to tell when future versions of yourself are lying to you.
I’ll write some more when I think of it. Expect it in a year or so. You can write back to me via futureme.org or using a time capsule.
So long, sugartits!
– Pixelation Qyw Styx, age 22, ©2007
p.s. I hate you. Try to not be hateworthy.
Now, see, this type of future me shows some definite promise. Provided that past me takes future me’s advice to the letter. Otherwise, the consequences could be disasterous! The key is specificity. Not just a generality like “get new glasses or a new hairstyle.” You saw past me’s unfortunate choices. Are you really going to let that freakazoid shape your entire destiny? I should think not.
maybe? … i’ll take it, i guess.
i wish i remembered enough about myself at eleven to even attempt what you’ve just done. apparently i’ve blocked out the fifth grade or something. hmm.
ha! fair enough. I admit that I was a girl through most of middle school so yes, our experiences were probably a bit different. but now you have me wondering… what would the college graduate in you have done differently?