I only read Newsweek for the centerfold.
I only read Newsweek for the centerfold.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XIX of XXVI)
This is where I’m glad that my phonebook is alphabetical by nicknames rather than anything else. You should come out with us more. You’re relatively cool, but mostly we just want to hang out with your friends. I didn’t make…
Wait, are you even allowed to sign your own death warrants??
Wait, are you even allowed to sign your own death warrants??
Violence is never the answer.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is “How do I punch my way out of this situation?”
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XVIII of XXVI)
Man… did everyone in New Mexico’s name start with this letter? I love all the books you’ve given me and all the games we’ve played and am glad and proud to call you my true friend. Please explain whether you…
I just gained an hour and damn it, I’m going to use it.
I just gained an hour and damn it, I’m going to use it. But first: Law & Order.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XVII of XXVI)
Hm. I see what I did here. We should hang out about 10 percent more often than we currently do. Because right now you seem too cool, but I think 10 percent more saturation ought to do it. I look…
It’s like a good story, only longer.
It’s like a good story, only longer.
Worst Segues Ever
Gakked from Steve: … But enough about your dad dying, have you ever heard of pet rocks? … speaking of things breaking when they’re not supposed to… … speaking of Billy, you know how when you dropped off your child,…
I’m not narcissistic, it just seems that way because nobody talks about me as much as I do.
I’m not narcissistic, it just seems that way because nobody talks about me as much as I do.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XVI of XXVI)
…. well, this is a short post. I know two people who have this letter as the first letter of their name. Neither of them are in my phone book. But who cares, right? ¡Piyo! Te quiero mucho y me…
Okay, be honest, how awesome was “Harry Mazeton y el Principe Mestizo?”
Okay, be honest, how awesome was “Harry Mazeton y el Principe Mestizo?”
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XV of XXVI)
This… this one took a while. Your life makes me sad that people have to live through mistakes before they develop good judgment. It bothers me what became of you. I loved you like a brother and now… now I…
They say you should brush your teeth left-handed if you want to be ambidextrous.
They say you should brush your teeth left-handed if you want to be ambidextrous. They don’t– it turns out– advise shaving left-handed.
Advice is context-relative
Profile 1: A person with a failed marriage, an unwanted child, and many regrets of time wasted and relationships lost. Profile 2: A person in a successful relationship, in a career that gives them time and challenges, facing future obstacles,…
This is in such terrible form.
This is in such terrible form. It must be from Plato’s Hell.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XIV of XXVI)
Damn. Pleased to meet you. (I can’t say this because I don’t know you and haven’t met nor heard of you.) Navigation: pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix,…
My Once Best and Worst Case Scenarios
It all started with something my propaganda professor Frank Thayer said a long time ago: Life doesn’t turn out the best-possible way you could imagine. It also doesn’t turn out the worst way. It’s usually something in between. That scared…