You know what they say: if life gives you Lyme disease, make Lyminade.

I’m going to start two journals called “Sceince” and “Natrue” and publish anything people send me as long as they pay me $50.
Okay, so I’m the first result when you Google my name.
I was about to go to a party for two hours because they had free subs until I realized that I can afford a sandwich.
I like referencing past jobs and hobbies because nobody can verify them.

No results