Pixel

I declare today #nonsequiturday I don’t mean to brag, but it’s Thursday. A bird in the hand is a worthwhile investment. I meant to get my hair cut today, but I didn’t realize what year it was in the Chinese…

I wonder if time machines spew unsafe radiation.

The cover charge is outrageous in the “27 Club.”

I just looked up ‘smurf’ in the Urban Dictionary and my head smurfsploded.

I used to be a graphic designer. Actually, I was just a lewd designer.

Don’t call me Mr. Myers. That’s my father’s name. You can call me Mr. Myers Jr.

Him: Strike! Me: That was a ball! Him: Oh, and I take it you know a thing or two about balls? Me: Yeah! …Wait: no…Wait: Just two things.

That guy is too fat for the baseball stadium’s fake sumo suits.

We’re at the ballgame. We’re sitting so close, we could hurt the players’ feelings from here.

I want to have a book burning party. My friends have a lot of audiobooks that I want to illegally add to my collection.