Can something be an elaborate farce if you just threw it together with duct tape and spackle? This is the question America wants answered.
Time is money, but you’ll notice that the reverse is not true.
Note: If you are drunk and your friends are taking you home, you can call ‘shotgun,’ but it is inadvisable for you to call ‘driver.’
He died of autoerotic asphyxiation. But at least he died doing what he loved.
It’s not everyday that you get to hang out with Gil Harman.. Although I guess it is for him.
I want to stop and smell the roses, but I just don’t have the time.
Boo emotivism!
Some people light their cigars with $100 bills. But I’m so rich, I light my cigars with checks for $1000.
I get in trouble all the time whenever anyone asks me where I’m from. “New Mexico,” I say. “Ahh, Mexico!” they say. “I love South America! Have you ever been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?” I should rephrase. I…
Remember when they used to say we’d never elect a black president? Well, guess what? As of right now- we are halfway there!