Only the mediocre die middle aged.
1: So you had to swallow your words?
2: Yeah.
1: Then what?
2: I had a vowel movement.
You know what’s funny? Humorous observations.
1: Women, Nature’s Rubik’s Cube.
2: Yeah, but I can actually do a Rubik’s Cube
Fortune calls. But it’s the wrong number.
I number you out of love!
I say every thought I have. It’s a real problem. For instance, right there, I thought two things but said three.
1: Where were you? I was looking all over!
2: That’s the thing, I wasn’t all over. I was nowhere. Waiting for you to find me.
1: But you where nowhere to be found!
2: Exactly!
There has to be a backwards ‘a.’ There’s a backwards ‘o,’ ‘i,’ and ‘u!’
1: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
2: Practice, man, practice.
My bloodtype is just like my philosophy: AB with no rhesus factor.
I feel dumb. I don’t get like 1/3 of these.
Hee hee, vowel movements.
#1 is a play on the saying “Only the good die young.”
#2 plays on the metaphor of swallowing words, where ‘vowel’ takes the place of ‘bowel’ which is a type of bodily function that is a direct consequence of food consumption.
#3 Is in itself a observation and thus metahumor.
#4 Is a sexual innuendo (and a legitimate conversation of mine that my roommates made fun of me for weeks over).
#5 Is personification of an idiom.
#6 is also based on a true story of how I numbered my flatmates rather than bother memorizing their names.
#7 is funny, damn it.
#8 takes “all over” and “nowhere” as literal places… with hilarious results!
#9 is me noting that o, i, and u look the same backwards as forwards and treating it like a fact rather than an observation.
#10 is a take off on the old joke of
1: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
2: Practice, man, practice.
#11 is another take off on the stupid saying of “My bloodtype is just like my philosophy: B Positive”
Ah, having heard some of those jokes would have helped me.