Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “René, would you like a drink?” Descartes says, “I think not,” and instantly vanishes.

Gödel was a very repetitive, foul-mouthed person. You might even say he was RECURSIVE. 🙂

I am god’s regift to women.

We got all of the prospectives we (I) wanted! Next year’s class is going to be great!

In accordance to the principle of charity, I’ve decided to ignore your argument altogether.

I’m glad that google scholar is on my top ten most visited sites. Surprised, but glad.

I’ve got the worst hangover. This is what I get for getting drunk on life.

Silly Catholic church, ALL Fridays are Good Fridays.

The emperor is wearing the same new clothes I am, but he looks so much better in them than I do.

I understand black bars above and below a movie. I understand black bars to the left and right of a movie. But all four??

Thank you guys so much for all of the birthday wishes!!!!!

All of the vehicles I seem to be a part of have an odd number of wheels.

While driving, I accidentally cut someone off. He shouted, “asshole!” I shouted back, “Fundamental Attribution Error!”

A decade-long mystery just solved itself today. Now: a nap. That’s right: I’m the laziest detective ever. Batman just tries too hard.

There is a possible world in which the actual world is a plausible world. Discuss.

I’m too drunk to drive. But luckily, I’m not too drunk to drunk drive.

The worst part of being broke is that I now feel guilty when I buy and eat a burrito.

I’m only going to be $250 short of my goal this month! That would be good news if my goal was not “survive the month.”