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Conversations are a dance and I have two left feet.

1: you think everything anybody says about you is a compliment! 2: thanks! 1: ugh! I’m going to go 2: … that wasn’t very nice…

But, wait, would his mom have been the queen regent? The order of succession is not clear from Sophocles. Man, that Oedipus story sure is Complex!

It strikes me that Oedipus didn’t even have to solve the Sphinx’s riddle. With his dad gone, he was next in line for the throne. I bet that bothered him.

The last person who called me that hasn’t been heard from since that mysterious fire… It was unrelated and in a completely different state, but it was in the news. The news is how I partition my life events. It’s…

Which is the best #typosuperpower? Fast Heeling: you can stop from a fast speed very quickly. Fright: you can get scared at a moment’s notice. Super Steed: you have a really cool horse.

On the bright side, everyone wearing masks means you never have to see people’s ugliest features: the bottom half of their faces.

I’m trying to get into a study that pays you for stool samples. But if they don’t choose me, I won’t give a shit.

I’m not very photogenic: my beauty is mostly in the third and fourth dimensions.

New colleague: Me: I’ll be your BEST Friend until you find someone cooler than me, in which case… could you ask if they’d be my best friend?