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Teaching would be the best job if only there were no students.

Me: Ludacris is just reclaiming the word ‘ho’: he’s not using it to be offensive. Her: Reclaiming it from whom! Me: Feminists, obviously.

“With great privilege comes great responsibility.” – Bourgeois Uncle Ben

This update serves only to inform you all that I am awake– I have been trying to print for two hours– and I hate everyone who is asleep. I take that last tweet back. I don’t hate everyone who is asleep. I…

English accents make the Nature Podcast sound so respectable. Unless, of course, p’s sound like t’s and someone says “Ship Graveyard.”

I just picked up eight of the (very rare) tickets for my friend’s graduation ceremony. Did I say eight? I meant six: I wanna put my feet up.

It would be really sweet if my childhood crush saved all my love letters. It would be less sweet if they were unopened.

A question that’s on my mind: Who would win in a fight: Mahatma Gandhi or a ravenous Saber-Tooth Tiger? #hilariouslymismatchedfights

Gluten-free cakes, flourless cookies, vegan crabcakes… Why is it that everything at Whole Foods an exercise in constrained cooking?

My favorite candy holidays: 1. Halloween 2. Christmas 3. Valentine’s Day 4. Arbor Day 5. Easter Why does pastel make candy taste horrible?