I don’t want to think that I have a bad knee now.
I don’t want to think that I have a bad knee now. So instead, I’m going to call it my Good Knee and call the other one my Kick-Ass Knee.
I don’t want to think that I have a bad knee now. So instead, I’m going to call it my Good Knee and call the other one my Kick-Ass Knee.
This cabin says that the kitchen has a really nice view. That’s great, but beside the point… unless the porch has a great microwave.
Things I wish I’d’ve known in first grade: being on crutches for a week makes you AWESOME at hopscotch.
What would you do if you snuck into a friend’s house and the only objects in the kitchen were a chair, a table, whiskey, and a revolver?
There are reasons to like this clown. He’s got gumption. Most people don’t try to take on the Batman. (This statement is factually false. Everyone and their grandmother seems to want to take on the Batman.) … or is it…
Just because I wear glasses doesn’t mean I can’t kill your collective asses.
How I injured my knee: I accidentally knelt down on a thimble.
Yes, I blew out my knee in a fight, but you should see the other guy! He’s wracked with guilt.
People on diets are such pessimists. They don’t look at the bowl as half-full, they look at it as half-empty.
I offered two options: Soup and Diet Soup. The diet soup was just a half-full bowl.