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I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you. They sound very similar, though.

“She looks terrible in that picture.” “You obviously don’t watch America’s Next Top Model.” “Why? Because I’m straight?”

It’s not gossip, it’s research. I’m researching for my new, local gossip mag.

If Wilbur is going to fly first, then I don’t want to be Wright. (props to @Ch8rming)

The guy behind me is threatening to use greyhound from now on. #Amtrak #overheard #emptiestthreatever #transportationblowsjustdealwithit

In Florida. Boy am I ever glad to be at the Everglades… No. No I am not.

“Conductor said I should arrive there at 2 o’clock and I said, ‘oh, lord, I don’t think so.’” then… Did nothing. #Amtrak #overheard

“Now don’t get me wrong, I hate my ex-wife. Hate her. But I love my husband-in-law. He’s a straight-up guy. Straight-up.” #amtrak #overheard

I thought these things were supposed to be on time! Stupid nom-German engineers.. *ahem* I meant non-German, not nom-German. The latter just makes me sound like a cannibal.

Hey, Rose from the movie Titanic, whatever happened to Jack? Did you guys just lose touch?