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Netflix keeps asking me back but not offering to change anything. It’s like an abusive husband apologizing while wearing brass knuckles.

People argue on the Internet like children storming Normandy. Philosophers are more like Green Berets bickering over the dishes.

You ever have one of those days where you’re not sure if you’d pass a captcha?

Someone told me porn is 83.5% of Internet traffic. Malarcky! What– is there a G-spot-Mail now?

Ooh, the Internet’s back! Awesome. I use the Internet to check my…….. umm… let’s say e-mail.

A bear is pooping next to a bunny. The bear asks the bunny, “Ever get poop on your fur?” But the bear doesn’t care. He is a bear.

For Halloween, we’re going as Camuel and Sarlos. At least until time t. After that we might be emeralds.

Some guy just crashed into my parked car. Is it wrong that I’m tweeting before calling my insurance or mom?

Sorry I’m late. I hit every stop light and most stop signs.

Certified Kosher would be a bad name for a pork product.