Why does everybody love Pixel?
90. I’ve never made more than $7 an hour… yeah, I was getting ripped off for years, then I graduated and couldn’t find a job I liked or that paid well. I’m ashamed of that. Dear World, So… I’m back. …
Just saw Paris Hilton’s ad and.
Just saw Paris Hilton’s ad and… it was okay, I guess. More than anything, it’s just hilarious that it’s news.
Another Way to Avoid Getting Mugged
Here’s another strategy. It requires: No will to live Assume you’re about to get mugged. Step 1. Pull the pin to a grenade. Step 2. Hold it up and stare into the eyes of death. Step 3. Grin ear-to-ear menacingly.…
I propose a new term: subacquaintances.
I propose a new term: subacquaintances. That is, people that send you application requests and pokes on facebook.
I am now in a plane.
I am now in a plane. Take THAT aeronautical safety!
Wanna see what I’ve been doing during my vacation?
89. When I was 14 I made a conscious decision to be honest and stop making up stories. As a direct result, I’ve become a terrible, terrible liar. … And now, back to semi-retirement.
loo? os s? s???
loo? os s? s???
Why is it that the teacher’s lecture in any given movie is always directly related to the plot of the movie?
Why is it that the teacher’s lecture in any given movie is always directly related to the plot of the movie?
I will trade problems with anyone.
I will trade problems with anyone. ANYONE. Sight unseen. Message me for information
I need a gay friend I can share all of my secrets with.
I need a gay friend I can share all of my secrets with. Any applicants? We offer basic medical and are willing to train on the job.
Have you ever shared a secret with the absolute WRONG person? Yeah.
Have you ever shared a secret with the absolute WRONG person? Yeah……….. so it goes
I once beat myself senseless in shadowboxing.
I once beat myself senseless in shadowboxing.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Can I swear here? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Dear World: I’m beginning to think Mark Twain was a jackass.
Dear World: I’m beginning to think Mark Twain was a jackass. ALSO: All may have been discovered, I might have to flee the country.
‘C’ for Cookie
88. I am a citizen of the world, but only two countries recognize my nationality: Mexico and the U.S. So weird. What’s this? Am I eating a cookie? How did that come about? Well, I’m glad you ask, World. See,…
My mom just sent me a friend request on hi5.
My mom just sent me a friend request on hi5… I think I’m going to go ahead and hang myself now.
Rigid Definitions
87. I’m afraid of waiters, secretaries, and janitors. Seriously. They have so much power over such a small area of your life that I fear angering them.
So the final Michigan compromise is EXACTLY what they had agreed to two WEEKS ago? Wow.
So the final Michigan compromise is EXACTLY what they had agreed to two WEEKS ago? Wow. Lame.