- I realized why I’m so conceited: I have photoshop!
April 17 - “Five years ago, did you know where you’d be now?”
“Man, five years ago, I didn’t know what GENDER I’d be now.”
April 19 - Note to self: ‘Practice makes perfect’ is a bad thing to say to someone who just attempted suicide.
April 21 - Parental Advisory: Explicit AND Implicit Content
April 21 - I feel like writing in my diary… And this time i might tell the truth!
- You know what i’ve never seen that would be AWESOME? Baby juggling. I bet it’d be quite a show.
- Four attractive women smiled at me today. This doubles my life total.
- If we accept slippery slopes as logical fallacies, before you know it, we’ll all be wearing penguin-fur thongs!
- You’re 25? Weren’t you 22 back in march? ‘Yeah, but i’ve had a few birthdays since then.’
- I don’t tell people my parents lend me money, i tell them i deal drugs to children. It’s more respectable.
- Hi, i’m Super Pixel, i mean Regular Pixel. Damn it, I really suck at keeping a secret identity.
May 5 - At first, I was a vegetarian for all the animals. Now I just do it for the chicks.
May 17 - When i look in the mirror i don’t want to look good. I want to LAUGH.
May 19 - I’ve been single for too long. My lies are getting terrible.
May 20 - I put the ‘fist’ in ‘pacifist.’
May 27 - Why does nobody ever talk about John McCain’s combover? That’s a legitimate campaign issue, I think.
July 8 - When I end up in prison, facing imminent torture and death, I want to write my seminal work exploring the human condition: The Fluffy Pink Bunny.
August 15 - I can take a kick to the groin like a man: huddled over gasping for air and weeping slightly.
August 15 - I’d die for free speech, but i’d prefer to speak for free life.
August 15 - I have arrived at my brother’s place in North Carolina, alive… Yeah, I’m kinda disappointed too.
August 16
