I guess I just don’t understand this show. Do non-wannabe serial killers like Dexter too?

I have invented the most horrible/greatest sandwich ever! Peanut butter, jelly, beans, and salsa! It’s like D-Day for your colon!

I’m drunk, but nobody is dialing…………….. I’m not sure I’m doing this right.

I’m studying on a Sunday afternoon. In other words, I’m daydrinking.

They say to mix this protein powder with your favorite drink. So I’m making myself an Irish Carbomb.

Eww. That guy would be good looking if he didn’t have a hairlip… I mean mustache.

I’m not a chump that buys Everything. I just told my girl to buy me a drink. “Just put it on my tab,” I said.

I think it would be unfortunate for an ice cream truck to be caught up in a funeral caravan.

Don Reo created Blossom. You might remember him as the creator of hit ’90s shows… Such as Blossom.

Gwenyth Paltrow should name her next kid Orange. Only… then she wouldn’t be able to compare her kids.

Bartender, do you have Diet Coke on tap? Or just bottled?

I love how nobody at the gym changes the channel. I’m going to get here early and set it to Oxygen more often!

It’s duck-rabbit season!

I hate it when people wake me up at a reasonable hour.

I don’t like alcohol, but always drink in social situations. I always succumb to Beer Pressure.

How sexist were the Muppets?? I even count Ms. Piggie as part of the sausagefest… For obvious reasons.

Chalupa is Mexican restaurant slang for “I forget what this is really called.”

Since I didn’t do so hot in undergrad, so I had to go back for another few years. Yeah, I’m in remedial grad school.