Nobody else here would date a girl older than them. But I’d totally date a girl 20-30 years older. I love expiration dating

I threw out my finger because I was flipping people off wrong.” “That’s your ring finger.” “OK, so I was flipping people off REALLY wrong.”

This song reminds me of bad times. Specifically, times in which I had to listen to this song.

I figured out why I’m gaining weight: I’ve been eating meal replacement bars AND the meal they’re replacing.

I gained seven pounds in the last four weeks. That’s it! No more protein!

If I could only ever have one type of food, burritos would be it. If I could have two, they’d both still be burritos.

I never keep my daily To Do list. So what? I mostly keep my yearly To Do list and I make sure I live up to my To Be list.

I just took a drink of a glass of water coated in pollen because I left out overnight. Yeah, I swallowed.

Kosher Lobster: they never fed on the bottom!!

I never end my sentences with prepositions. Usually I just end them with periods.

It’s hard to share woes with friends whose woes are lesser than yours. But it’s harder to be friends with those whose woes are greater.

Reserve your RSVP if you please.

Would that it were possible to say what you mean and mean what you say without it being in a mean way.

Ten hours till tipoff and I’m #263 in line. Crazieness. #finalfour 2010-04-05 17:47:35 Just came up with a #finalfour chant using the ‘Cinderella team’ theme ESPN has been pushing. If you hear “Al-most Mid-night” — that’s us. 4-5 18:28: Apparently…

Some 20 hours left until what will likely be the last basketball game I ever see. And #finalfour to boot! It was a fun year to care.

In Indianapolis for the #finalfour, there are scalpers _Everywhere_. And not the fun, Native American kind, either.

“I don’t care how boring the game is. I don’t care if the score is 2-0, I want to win.” -Hotel roommate David #finalfour

I had high hopes for both NMSU and UTEP, but they both got eventual #finalfour teams in the first round. Tough.