I get so much spam in my university e-mail. Like calls for papers, desperate pleas for help, party invitations..

“What’s going on between you two?” “Mostly friction.”

The phrase “Nothing but net” is more impressive in basketball than tennis.

Reading Socratic Dialogues as a youth was quite corrupting to me.

I like complimenting myself secretly when I compliment others. For instance: “You’re so Lucky! … to know me.”

My time is scheduled in microseconds this week. This is my burrito hour & six microseconds.

It’s helpful to keep your motivation in mind while exercising. For instance, I workout out of spite.

I think it’s time to give up on sleep or peace of mind. (p.s. ~emo doesn’t apply after 2 a.m.)

I don’t dress to impress, but at least I don’t dress to depress, either.

Suddenly, all is right with the world. Sorry I emoed out for five months guys. I’ll be back to normal soon.

“I’m from the most popular port city in south France.” “Oh, that’s Nice.”

Cryptic tweets are the best! … Or are they?

To be a hypocrite, you have to actually say something.

“For that job I am an equal opportunity employer.” – Park

Life lesson: never lean against the sink while washing your hands.

One needs not have responsibility to be responsible.

Saying ATM machine is too wordy. From now on, I’m just going to say ATMM.

I have an anger problem this time of year. Being out in the sun for very long just makes me so hotheaded.