I mean, I speak that particular language. (Español, para mis amigos ignorantes.) But it’s scary to know people look at that stuff.

Just had a Chilean contact me because my name on the philosophy dept. web site sounded Spanish… Cool, yet scary.

Here’s an interesting correlation: As depression goes up, cleanliness and hygiene go down.

Which is funnier? “He’s something that you can never be: taller than me.” OR “He’s something that you can never be: of average height.”?

Things that make me happy: butterscotch, burritos, cookies, and cute girls paying attention to me. So far today I’m 3 of 4

My friend @mablicia declared me one of her top ten favorite people in the world. Egads! I’m not worthy of such an honor!

I need a hip flask. Either that, or the location of a good AA group.

Yo momma’s so fat, her skin is at capacity!

Yo momma’s so fat, her BMI is three digits!

The penis:people looking for porn:normal people ratio of chat roulette is too high for my tastes.

Q: As a clinical psychologist, how do you get yourself to not take your problems home with you? A: Xanax. Lot’s of Xanax.

Q: As a clinical psychologist, how do you get yourself to not take your problems home with you? A: Oh, I have a locker.

When people get lost in the woods, they wander around in circles. My mind is lost in the woods.

Why do all my workouts end with an “I hope I don’t die while doing this” set?

Being social is hard work. And the pay is lousy. Benefits, however? Those are quite good.

Canada wins. I guess I’ll just have to wait longer for revenge for the War of 1812.

I have never used the words ‘scantily’ or ‘clad’ by themselves. I realize this now and it saddens me.